Wednesday, June 30, 2004

THIRTEEN THINGS TO DO ON A BORING DAY

Why only 13?...well that's all I could think of nincompoop!


When the world around you seems to be going to hell in a handbasket, or ... you're tired of figuring out whether there's a tiger in the tank of your gas-guzzling SUV, obsessing over your daily intake of calories or hearing your favorite sports team lose yet again, and quite frankly you couldn't give a sweet tweet about what tie or togs to wear...you definitely need help!

So, take my advice, the first thing to do is just toss the little pink, blue, or yellow and green striped pills for the day. (They really don't match your colorless personality anyway)!

Then, turf your frigging "to do" list. (You have far too many things on it for your addled brain to cope with anyway).

Okay, by now you're probably feeling at least 10 pounds lighter (and don't ask me how many kilograms that is). Just trust me or find some other fairy godmother to guide you through the black hole of nothingness that you've managed to make your home for many moons.

Now we come to the fun part, what can be done with the harsh reality of life? How can we overcome the general ennui associated with the thought of another incredibly boring day ahead of you?

Fear not! Take a deep breath. Exhale and let your mind wander into the land of utterly ridiculous thoughts and actions!

1. Write a spunky motto on your mirror with shaving soap, toothpaste or lipstick...the more irreverent the better!

2. Sing a very naughty song at the top of your lungs while taking your morning shower. (If you don't know any saucy songs...just shout out all the four-letter words you know in your vacuous vocabulary.)

3. Lighten up by wearing your clothes inside out or backwards. (If your wardrobe makes you sick, you could always try making paper cut-outs or even going clothing-optional, provided your pets or prudish neighbors don't mind.)

4. Call in to your office or leave a note for family...telling them that you're taking a serendipity sabbatical. (Don't bother trying to explain what it means...you don't know and they don't care...just as long as you promise to show up tomorrow when the stuff hits the fan.)

4. Invent an imaginary scapegoat friend or pathetically pesky pet for the day with whom you can converse and admonish with glee while in the presence of others. (This works well when shopping, taking a coffee break or simply walking down the street...because it's your day to dump on dorks, dingbats, and dweebs!)

5. Go on a water taste-testing day by ordering a single glass of 'aqua viva' in restaurants of your own choosing. (This is a great way to see if your server is hospitable and is in possession of a funnybone. When you have finished your liquid lunch, leave a modest tip and provide the restaurant with a brief evaluation of your taste test on the napkin provided. Be sure to sign it...that way it looks really professional.)

6. Smile, wave enthusiastically to strangers and speak in Pig-Latin to all manner of critters you come across. (Who knows, maybe one of them will be inspired by your brainless droppings and weird antics.)

7. Go to your nearest toy store and take a peek at all the stuff. (Pick up something you can play with for the day...like a water pistol, bubble mix, or a kite kit).

8. Visit your library and ask them if they have any stories about pet rocks, slinkies, silly putty, and hoola hoops. (If they are stymied by your request...go to the children's section, pull a book off the shelf and read it aloud...you're bound to get a crowd!)

9. Show up at your local community centre to register for the International Tiddlywink Tournament. (If they haven't got a clue what you're talking about...offer to organize it and sign up people as they walk in the door. What a great schmoozing opportunity!)

10. Mail a blank piece of paper to a select list of "impossible" people in your life. (It's a wonky way to remind you that it's time to remove them from your Christmas and Valentine card list!)

11. Take a bus ride, admire the scenery and ask the driver and passengers how to climb the Eiffel Tower, locate the leaning Tower of Pisa and find the yellow-brick road to Emerald City. (Don't forget to buy a day-long ticket...heck they might even give you a piece of gum, a bit of candy or some unsolicited advice...just to get rid of you!)

12. Visit your favorite local grocery store and pidgeon hole a bakery clerk. (Then inquire where you can find a "humble pie", what's in it, who makes the best one, and the name of a celebrity, a grand pooh bah, or high muck-a-muck who has actually eaten humble pie successfully).

13. Stand on a street corner with a clip board in hand soliciting signatures for the privitization of public loos. (This will put you in good stead with those who are looking for ways to fix things that aren't broken or create silk purses out of sow's ears).

If at the end of this day, you can remember your name, where you live, and your merry-making mission here on planet earth...consider this day a success. After all, it's not everyone who can "go bonkers" for a day, live to tell their titillating tale, and recommend other jolly-challenged folk (like you) to take this jaunty journey to who knows where.

__________

If you just adore finding really neat things to do while waiting for Godot to arrive... then just mosey on down to your local toy store and pick up a hilarious new game called, "THINS" (Humor-in-a-Box), or order it on-line at http://www.thingsthegame.com


93 Comments:

At 3:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I liked your things on "to do on a boring day list." bye

 
At 7:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hello i like this!!!! its really funny! I've actually done a few of these things before i actually read it!!! :D its great!

 
At 9:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i dont them and got fat doing them

 
At 8:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is sweet!!!
and you know what they're pretty funnny :D ROCK ON!!!!!

 
At 9:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you actually have 14 things. there is two number 4's.

 
At 12:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i already go on the street and say hi to everybody i dont know

 
At 12:32 PM, Anonymous BITCH said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 5:32 PM, Anonymous joe bux said...

this is retarded screw u

 
At 12:03 PM, Anonymous Poprox said...

this is sooooooooo funny! u got to do all of them!

 
At 12:07 PM, Anonymous Jeejor said...

These are great ideas! I love #1! That lead me to SO many more things to do! Thx

 
At 2:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wot da hell is dis about

 
At 1:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you are not helping at all. haiz

 
At 10:12 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

woooooow. ur slow. but it is great. but i dont think i wanna throw at my dads friend bakery. wow. u forgot sleep though. lol. lmao. :]]]]]]

 
At 11:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

that is sooooooooooooo cool!!

I love the shower one!!!

 
At 9:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is fucking retarded

 
At 2:15 PM, Anonymous hannah krogman said...

This is the most retarted thing i have ever herd in my life, and at first i thought you were joking, but i will never do this except for fridays because i am retarted so it is a weekly rutien.

 
At 8:30 PM, Anonymous nat said...

lol obously u dont have a boring life :P

 
At 12:54 PM, Anonymous Green said...

this is the most screwed up list ive ever seen.
i mean comon are you sure you dont have a mental problam, what in the name is a tiddly wink.

 
At 7:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

are you fucken retarded????
u fucken nuts or what??

 
At 12:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

cant you think of more?
why only 13?
how about............READING ?

 
At 12:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

cant you think of more?
why only 13?
how about............READING ?
this is fucken retarted !

 
At 12:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

lalalalalalla
is this what you expect ?

 
At 1:34 AM, Anonymous Dani said...

hey hey!
i have to say thats pretty a pretty awesome list =P
haha if i ever hava completely bring wipeout day ill be sure to follow these!!

and to all those people who have commented on this saying its effing reatarded and such, c'mon guys, grow up a little! if you dont like it, then dont waist yor poor, pathtic little lives winging about it =)

persnally, i give u a high5!! you certainly put a smile on my dial =)

 
At 8:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is so stupid! Do you really think I am going to go to the LIBRARY reading out loud for everyone to hear!? Whats the point if you are gonna get kicked out for it??!! Or sing a naughty song in the shower? Or friggin embarass myself, waving to strangers, talking in pig latin??!! Could you actually put something more FUN, that more people are willing to do instead of putting all these stupid ideas on here??!!SERIOUSLY!!

 
At 8:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OH MY GODD!!! this is the dumbest thing I have heard all day!!! Where do you get these dumb ideas from anyway??!! Do you really thinkk a lot of people would be interested int this....CRAP!!!???

 
At 8:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What the heck is a tiddly wink??!!
Whats the point of putting it on there if half the people reading this doesnt know what it means??!!!

 
At 2:22 PM, Anonymous theflash said...

people!! calm down!!! shes not forcing you to do any of it and didnt it slightly ease your boredom just reading it?! really.... take a joke.

 
At 2:00 PM, Blogger Karen said...

bored to death. and still is. hahaha, nice list. you were obviously bored too.

second, how do you get your blog so popular?? no one ever looks at mine. T_T" congratz to you, then.
:D

 
At 7:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

im bord and still am. no offence but that wasnt half good.

 
At 1:48 PM, Anonymous shauna NICHOLSON said...

I thought this list was pretty great! and to all those who left horribly mean messages...grow up please! I think you can express your negative concerns a little differently than you did..

 
At 3:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey i think people who think this is stupid are stiffs and boring...thanks for the great list.......i think im gonna go teepee my house and give a lap-dance to my dog, bye!

 
At 10:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

go fuck yourself you useless scumbag...never in my life have i heard of something as lame as i just saw. i actually want to die right now after reading that utter bullshit. do yourself a favour and either delete this stupid blog or erase your unhumanly figure from our planet to save yourself the embarrassement of living in todays society. i have never seen something this useless in my life, if i was bored i would never ever ever do any of your bullshit things that you think are legit to do. thanks for ruining my fucking day. peace out

 
At 10:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

yeah i agree with that person below me:)

 
At 10:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hows about flogging your dick into submission until it bleeds all day

 
At 10:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ahahaha these are really funny. i have done all of them except for the singing in the shower one. where you sing a nasty song becasue then well ya know ill probably have cops at my door asking if someone dies. ahahaha very funny though. they brightened up my boring day!! :)

 
At 3:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is horrible!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
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At 7:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

teehee this is huularius lol. by the way another one i thought of is when your in a super market when the people speak into the microphone (like clean up on isle 5) or sumfin like that you drop to your knees and start screaming "Oh god the voices wat do the want!" etc etc. :P

 
At 12:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ok so i did the blank letter thing exept with a twist. for the return adress i wrote 'the easter bunny, santa,cupid ,the tooth fairy' ect. in the letter I started out writing how the writer would and then i told them it was me :). I wrote to my cousin as cupid and explained that he knew he was daydreaming about a girl and told him cupid could help him out because he kept an extra arrow in his diaper. Hope other ppl do it bc its pretty funny.
Bye,
Anonymous

 
At 7:15 AM, Blogger Leah said...

OMG stop with the mean comments... i thought they were haleriouse they r wicked funny!!! u will defintuily try them all i promise... and also cld u think of some more funny 1s thxxxxx!!! :)

 
At 7:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG tht was so funny i love this!!! Cld yiou think of some mmore and people with the rude comments... cut it out i mean jst grow up!!! if u hav nuthin niice 2 say dont say anything!!! Hey it wld b niice if u cld make some stuyff 4 kids in agfes 12and uppp thxxx :) Luv theseeeee

 
At 12:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

horable :[

 
At 6:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought these were pretty funny. I wish I could go out and do them now but I'm stuck in an office and not trying to get fired. Lol. It'd be awessome if you mAde some for inside. and every one who left a stupid And rude comment, you don't have to listen or read. So you should really stop being so ignorent.

 
At 12:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

its 8.56,sunday,i'm bored s***less.i just googled what to do on a boring day,and it brought me here.i read right through,and already i feel cheered up!thanks for taking time to do this.by the way,dude,yes you DO have 14 things to do,not 13.hehe!peace & love

 
At 8:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

cool i liked it

 
At 1:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is dumb.

 
At 6:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

this didnt help me at all, i really thought maybe you could help me but i was wrong. at least i wasted some time reading it..thats about it..thanks a lot for allll your help.

 
At 10:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

tid•dly•winks
–noun (used with a singular verb )
A game played on a flat surface, in which players attempt to snap small plastic disks into a cup by pressing the edges of the disks with larger ones.

 
At 1:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

woah... that's so creative. but could you make something more normal? no offence.

P.S.oh and whoever that said bad things about it...u should stop. if u don't like it... then DON'T read it :(

 
At 1:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

umm... i need help. how do u make ur own blog. HELP!!! plz and thxs

 
At 1:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

could you add more?

 
At 1:10 PM, Anonymous justin bieber said...

ugh thats so dumb.. i mean who the heck would do that?

 
At 2:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

me

 
At 10:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I googled this too since I was bored and it took me here. I think this list is funny and I just might try this.

Too all of you who left rude, ignorant and mean comments, didn't your mother ever teach you if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all!!!

 
At 4:17 PM, Anonymous yoursuch afag! said...

well..this is about the dumbest thing i ever read. but it did entertain me for about, i dont know, a minute! loser!

 
At 9:13 PM, Anonymous generic cialis said...

Hi, well be sensible, well-all described

 
At 5:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This sounds like my perfect day. Doing stupid things just randomly for a day. End up nowhere but you've accomplished a lot. Thanks for the wicked advice...

 
At 1:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is great. Im totally going to do this! :D

 
At 10:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi im loren me and my friends do stuff like this ALL the time!!!!!im glad someone else does 2!!:)(thanks for the new ideas!)

 
At 5:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

very funny!! to those readers who made nasty comments to this utterly funny and somehow helpful advice, all i can say is, just spark a dope and your set!!!

 
At 9:47 AM, Anonymous Mailisa Marie said...

This is really funny!

 
At 6:25 AM, Blogger Xarjin said...

14*

2 number 4's :)

Entertaining read though.

 
At 6:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

go fuck yourself you useless scumbag...never in my life have i heard of something as lame as i just saw. i actually want to die right now after reading that utter bullshit. do yourself a favour and either delete this stupid blog or erase your unhumanly figure from our planet to save yourself the embarrassement of living in todays society. i have never seen something this useless in my life, if i was bored i would never ever ever do any of your bullshit things that you think are legit to do. thanks for ruining my fucking day. peace out------i agreee with the person that said this you worthless peice of bullshit

 
At 6:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I googled this too since I was bored and it took me here. I think this list is funny and I just might try this.

Too all of you who left rude, ignorant and mean comments, didn't your mother ever teach you if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all!!!--------to this person---shut the fuck up, get a job and a life and mabie you wont still be living with you mom.

10:31 AM

 
At 4:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I liked tour work and your story but i am still sitting here and i dont now what to do i think mite go watch barney and friends with my little sister. so if you have any comment for somethink to do couse i am bord email me.

 
At 4:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i am so bord someone help me or ill have to watch tv

 
At 6:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG! this list is HORRIBLE and all the things i would never do in my life is listed here. i almost killed after i read this, i mean, this list is just sooo dumb! anyone who did anything in here is a total freak.What a piece of bullshit

 
At 6:36 PM, Anonymous Nightmare said...

To the ppl b4 me who left a mean message, just SHUT UP, will ya? everyone have different tastes! if u dont like it, then dont do it! she isnt begging u to do it! if u think it's bullshit, then why did u came here at all????? personaly, i think she is very creative. if u dont like it, then y dont u make your own blog and write down what to do if ur bored? lets c it ur is any better than hers!!!

 
At 6:38 PM, Anonymous Nightmare said...

Not bad

 
At 6:39 PM, Anonymous Nightmare said...

can u add more?

 
At 12:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow, not exacly realistic, isnt it?

 
At 12:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow this doesnt even help with boredum

 
At 6:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

this wasn't bad. made me smile actually. i wanna try 'em - live life .

to those with their mean comments - c'mon. dont be mean. she's not forcing you to do it , its her opinion . bet if you did some of those things , you'd be glad you did it .

 
At 9:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

this was really gay... you have no life....

 
At 9:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

^ to the girl two comment up.... YOUR GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

 
At 9:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny no way am do that

 
At 10:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I find the comments to be much more utterly "retarted" than the actual list! The Internet is a wonderful place to be an a-hole! On a relevant note, I think the author was satirically saying that if you are feeling really down because of what's going on in your life, do something crazy, new, and unusual for you. And then you'll feel "10 pounds lighter," as the author puts it. I LOVE how intelligently people have responded to this. :)

 
At 10:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have another fun idea try masterbating!!

 
At 3:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Haha, made me laugh for sure :) Made me realise I can just act like an idiot today without having to spend money or organise a day out with friends. Definitely going to try some of these! And the mean commenters...still bored? Thought so.

 
At 5:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

cool i`l try it

 
At 10:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is so funny! On my most boring days I like to come and read things like this and get ideas of what to do. My day sure turns into a fun one after doing one of these.

 
At 4:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So dumb f u

 
At 5:43 AM, Blogger Gocool;-) said...

Wooooooow....! i sounds really cooooool..... i'm gnna giv it a try........ thanx Dude....

 
At 4:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Forgot get a chair lay in sun with beer in your hand, crazy bitch.

 
At 6:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

God I must be in need of something cause this sucks!!

 
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At 6:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

THIIS IS SOOO STUPID! IM SOOOOO BORED AND IM GONNAA DIEEE OF BOREDEM

 
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