SCREAM CUISINE AND OTHER STUFF

Or, pass the ‘creepy critters’ please

It’s the annual trick-or-treat season again, time for fiendish fireworks’ displays and foolish excuses for grown-ups to dress up and party!

Okay, let’s check off the list.

1. You’ve moved to Victoria, B.C. (Canada’s largest, left-coast "witch town" – a haven for more than 1,000 folks who admitted in the latest census that they truly were “out of the broom closet”).

2. You’ve joined a high-profile public witch club called the “13th House Mystery School” (a place to explore the creative ‘black arts’ naturally).

3. You’ve volunteered with “Wicca Weight Watchers Club” (to learn more about preparing personalized eating plans for the cherub-challenged).

4. You’ve advocated for a "healthy and supportive witchiness workplace environment", spearheaded an equal-opportunity “open witchiness” government hiring policy, (and launched a public awareness campaign to address the growing needs of temporarily-displaced Ouija board readers, and alternative-lifestyle-for-black-cat-swingers’ in the community).

5. You’ve signed up for “911 Ghostly Walking Tours” (so, if there’s something strange in your neighborhood, you know who to call); you've rented "Psycho" on DVD (for helpful bathroom renovation hints) and you've checked out that 1963 thriller, "The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed-Up Zombies" (to see how to make low-budget, scary movies to impress your discombulated neighbor and his tabby cat named "Don Juanita").

6. You’ve bought a pointy hat, candles, incense, and crystals (from the “Witch Kitsch Shop”) and read, "Living Wicca..." (to fast-track your way to becoming your own High Priest or Priestess).

7. You’ve borrowed a long, crooked, plastic nose (from the President of the “Wicked Wench Business Leads Club”) and a honking big broomstick (from the cleaning lady).

8. You’ve acquired a dark habit (well actually, it’s something that an unidentified, “frequent flying” nun left behind at a previous Halloween party).

9. You’ve tried on a pair of shiny, black patent-leather hob-nailed boots (from a rather strange caddy at the golf and country club to which you belong) and you've invited your inlaws over for a taste of the "Ghosts Festival" (it's definitely pay-back time isn't it)!

10. And, “The Great Pumpkin” has agreed to pay a visit to your neck-of-the-woods, (provided you toss the freaky-looking scarecrow on the front lawn).

But hold on now -- there’s something missing. After all, what would Halloween be without a little “scream cuisine”?

After checking out the 1,940 websites devoted to goblin gourmet and other ghoulish goodies, there are oodles of things to whet the whistle and appetite of the hobgoblins and ghosts in your neighborhood.

Main Course:

• Cervelle de Canut (Silkweaver’s Brain – an herbed cheese from Lyon, France)
• Cheesy Apple Fangs
• Cheese & Olive Fingers
• Crispy Bat’s Wings with Mushy Green Mash
• Goosebump Gravy
• Ghoulish Gruel
• Halloween Vegetarian Chili
• Spider Web Party Dip
• The Devil’s Salsa & Tortilla Spikes
  

Drinks:

• Black Widow Fizz
• Blue Witches’ Brew (...ha-ha)
• Cranberry Blood-Curdling Brew
• Pina Ghoulada
  

Dessert:

• Banana Ghouls
• Black Cat Cupcakes
• Ghoulish Petites Fours (courtesy of Martha Stewart)
• Ghoulish Gooey Bars
• Langues de chat (Cat’s Tongues – a French Sugar Cookie)
• Orange Ooze Cupcakes
• Spooky Spider Cake
  

However, should a wisecracking whippet like George Bush Sr. kick up a fuss at your Halloween Feast Table by stamping his feet and shouting, “I’m President of the United States, and I’m not going to eat any more broccoli!” …fear not.

Gently remind the offending soul about Hannibal Lecter’s fondness for food and unpalatable friends, “I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti”, (from the 1991 film, The Silence of the Lambs).

Now the real question is … who knows what delicious delights wait to be devoured and by whom at your Halloween party!

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For more information about the metaphysical mysteries of life, please consult the following books: The Spiral Dance (by San-Franciso-based with and best-selling author Starhawk), Drawing Down the Moon (by Margot Adler), Spellcraft (by Victoria's best-known witch, Robin Skelton), Drying the Bones (by Victoria witch, Madeline Sonik), and non-fiction, shadow-craft works like Living Wicca - A Further Guide for the Soliatary Practitioner (by Scott Cunningham) and The Witches Book of Days (written by three Victoria witches Jean Kozocari, Yvonne Owens, and Jessica North-Skywalker).

For a historical review of Canadian paganism and community networking, readers are invited to languish over the pages of "Hecate's Loom" a magazine produced for more than a decade (in the heart of witch-central -- Victoria, BC).

According to one Victoria-based journalist (and part-time witch), John Threlfall, the best place for those wishing to "wear their pentagram openly without anyone batting an eye" is Beacon Hill Park. http://www.beaconhillpark.com. And as John pointed out in a recent Halloween article in Monday Magazine, Kevin Marron in his 1989 work, Witches, Pagans & Magic in the New Age, noted that, "It seems a strange contradiction that this quiet cosy community also has the reputation of being a centre for witchraft". (Perhaps it has something to do with the energy of the land, the water, or Victoria's position smack dab on the San Andreas earthquake-prone fault line. Others suggest a more tangible explanation..."something very strange about the off-the-wall folk who call this place home.")

Tourists to Victoria, B.C. (Canada) http://www.tourismvictoria.com will be glad to know that this city, with it's rich past as a former colonial outpost of the British Empire, is also one of the few places in the country where witches can be legally married (and buried). http://www.city.victoria.bc.ca

Just because Salem, Massachusetts can claim to be the 'world capital of witchcraft' doesn't mean to say that Victoria can't cut it as a "happening Halloween place". After all, it's got the "Ghosts of Victoria Festival" http://www.where.ca/victoria/article_feature.cfm?listing_id=21 sure to attract lots of broomstick boomers and enhance the already "hot", haunted-house real-estate market.

And for those wishing to learn more about scrumptious "scream cuisine" delights, check out: http://www.uktvfood.co.uk