Tuesday, September 21, 2004

ODD JOBS

Or, what to do while "Waiting for Godot"...

While some may say, "the world is going to Hades in a handbasket", I say "piffle!"

First, Hades isn't even on my "To Do" list for today or, for that matter, tomorrow. Second, "handbaskets" are only for those who enjoy carrying coals to Newcastle or some other Fool's Paradise.

Anyway, I prefer to think that life is what you make of it. So, enjoy every minute. And, when you've finished your "bowl full of cherries", fear not, there will be plenty of "pleasure pits" to enjoy, just mark my words!

Not one to gather moss under my feet, or pout about what to do while "Waiting for Godot", I've decided to share with you some odd jobs I've had to justify my existence, (but more importantly ...my jam and peanut butter).

You'll note that none of the positions mentioned below have appeared in the newspaper under the heading, "jobs wanted". That's not surprising. After all, why would women want to reveal how to preserve their sanity amidst the chaos and clutter left behind by the magnificent men from Mars? (But that's another tangential story, worth at least one chapter in my next book, "Cautionary Tales from Martian Caves".

Where was I? ...ah yes, the "odd" jobs:
  • Whine & Cheese Party Hostess
  • Wing-It & Wet-Nurse Wonder Woman
  • Lost-and-Found Monitor & Bumbershoot Locator
  • Little Rubber Ducky Fundraiser
  • Fly-Swatting Summer Camp Counsellor
  • Bruxism Buster and Tooth Fairy Stand-In
  • Accredited Waffle Stomper & Bucker-Upper
  • Out-On-A-Limb Branch Coordinator
  • "Father-Knows-Best" Policy Analyst
  • Unplanned Gift Advisor to the Stork
  • Gourmet Bubble and Squeak Chef
  • Jolly Green Thumber
  • Petty Communications Officer
  • Brown Betty Botcherist
  • Escape Goat
  • Bugaboo Pest Control Officer
  • Troll Emergency Preparedness Planner
  • Merry-Making Missionary
  • Brown Bag Content Provider and Packing Specialist
  • Pet Rock Watcher & Hard Rock Player
  • Volunteer Burning Bush & Bucket Brigade Member
  • Medusa Makeover Artist
  • Bite the Bullet & Biscuit Project Leader
  • Dust Bunny Control Inspector
  • Pointy-Hat Designer & Gothic Clothing Seamstress
  • Certified Broomstick Operator
  • Brownie Point Counter
  • Horse Sense Philosopher
  • Magpie Manager
  • Road-Less-Travelled Recruiter
  • Suppository and Support Hosery Consultant
  • Snooze Alarmist
  • Prince Valiant & Prince Charming Skills Evaluator
  • Spotless Throne Room & Stop-Watch Housekeeping Director
  • Red Ribbon Recycler & Return Merchandise Expert
  • Stickey Wicket and Bad Karma Turnaround Tactician
  • Licensed Perfectionist & Procrastinator
  • Bungle-Conscious Breadwinner & Part-Time Banshee
  • Registered Owner of a Sling-Shot
  • Legal Pot Shot Shooter
  • Supreme Goddess of Glitch in the Wicked Wench Covey
  • Bluffoligist, Blurtologist & Bumpfologist
  • "The One And Only Boisterous Ballyhooing Bucksheeist"
So, when the boo-boos and lumps of life start getting you down, just put things into perspective. And don't forget, a little levity always defies gravity!

__________

For an appreciation of the 'othersidedness' of our existence, do drop by these frolicksome sites, "Satiric Quill" at http://www.satiricquill.net and "The Brothers Grinn" at http://www.brothersgrinn.com

And for a really, really short version of this long-winded article, you might want to check out "Tittle Tattle Times" at http://tittletattle.modblog.com

For an interesting twist on interviews with odd-job people take a gander at: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/unusualjobs/

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