Wednesday, September 15, 2004

DEAR GIFT GODDESS

What would you do with a “gift horse” from a dear old family friend? -- Signed -- Not a Horse Lover.

Dear Not a Horse Lover,

How delightful to hear from someone who has encountered what might be politely called, a “mysterious object of affection”.

To solve the dilemma of what to do with your unusual gift, you might first want to determine if it is a “high horse”, a “hobby horse” or a “dead horse”. After all, flogging a dead horse probably won’t win you any brownie points but then again, it sure beats having to mount a bucking bronco. So, assuming the blooming beast is still in your possession …here’s what you need to do.

1. Bless it. (Think nice thoughts or you’ll get a visit from the Goddess of Glitch. And, you’re not looking for more hoofed thingamabobs, are you?)

2. Do not inspect it too closely unless “rude awakenings” are part of your life story. (Just because it was born in a barn doesn’t make it a horse of course.)

3. Offer Feng-Shui enthusiasts the opportunity to adopt your “gift horse” (as a “good luck charm” for their Karma Farm).

4. Volunteer it as a charity golf tournament “booby prize”. (This is a safe bet because there's bound to be at least one feisty player who adores using colorful language in the sandtrap and won't be in the running for the "jolly good sportsmanship award" anytime soon.)

5. Call up your local “Apathy Wagon” service, (they’re always looking for horses of a different color, especially if they’re newcomers to the paddock).

6. Hang a sign in your window, “Can a loony really buy you happiness?” (You’ll get lots of inquiries and who knows one of them may actually strike up a bond of kinship with the “perfectly normal beast”.)

7. Don’t question why “it” landed on your doorstep; (just figure out how palm it off on some lost New Age soul who’s keen on knowing if pigs really can fly).

8. While hissy fits are in vogue, don’t throw one unless you’re a woosie. (Just throw a whine and cheese party and make sure the winner gets to take “it” home!)

9. Ask your work mates if they want an asset to the “Big Dream Team” – (if nothing else, “it” could become an amusing mascot and thankfully out of your hands).

10. If all else fails … just remember the movie, “They Shoot Horses Don’t They?” (This might be a tangent worth exploring).

By the way, all you ever wanted to know about “gift horses”, you’ll probably find by visiting more than 2,360 websites devoted to the topic.

And, in case you’re looking for where to donate your “gift horse”, you might want to try the Victoria Police (Mounted Branch) in Australia at http://www.police.vic.gov.au/showcontentpage.cfm?contentpageid=1803

On the other hand, if you’re wondering whether some gift-horses are worth riding, why not visit a well-known on-line computer magazine, http://www.pcworld.com/.

Last but not least, if it’s unique or unusual things for the gift-horse lover in your life, you may find it at a great little Canuck retail site, http://www.uncomonlygifted.com/.


Yours sincerely,

The Gift Goddess*
(Gifts and ideas that make you giggle, gasp, or glow with delight)

__________

*(A delightful deity and mirthful member of The Quipping Queen's royal entourage).

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