TEXT MESSAGE FROM THE BIG BOPPER

Or, the Big Guru in the Sky has finally learned how to communicate with teens!

Ovid Publius Hadweenzic, (Ph.D.T.), professor of heavy-duty thinking at the Creative Loafing Institute, who enjoys engaging his cerebellum in anything that captures his fancy (which usually means letting his mind wander where it may or may not depending on the weather or his daily horoscope whichever comes first)

The younger generation has managed to master not only challenging tasks like how to install computer software without reading manuals and program the TV/DVD remote control so only they can use it, but also how to use cell phones to text message in an obscure language so adults haven’t got a clue what they’re doing!

Like all new inventions, it seems that the “early early adopters" or pioneers pave the way for the rest of the dweebs to jump on the boat before it's littered with far too many crazy critters. Then again, the real issue may be how long the dottering dweebs take to decide to board the ark before it's too late!

Sometimes technology is not all that it's cracked up to be ...even in heaven. The other day I read somewhere that digitally-driven do-gooders from the Ministry of Magic Musings had just released the first text message communication between the “Big Guru in the Sky” and a cell-phone iPod earthling named "TFH".

GOD: TWIMC N-E-1 ER?
(Translation: To Whom It May Concern. Anyone Here?)

TEXT MSG 1: HI ID10T
(Translation: Hi Idiot)

GOD: XME? HURU?
(Translation: Excuse Me? Who are you?)

TEXT MSG 1: BKA TFH. HURU?
(Translation: Better Known As Thread From Hell. Who are you?)

GOD: YDKM. FWIW TP. BKAG
(Translation: You Don’t Know Me. For What It’s Worth: Team Player. Better Known as God)

TEXT MSG 1: N1
(Translation: Nice One)

GOD: OMG YTTT?
(Translation: Oh My Gosh You Telling The Truth?)

TXT MSG 1: AFAICT IAM PITA
(Translation: As Far As I Can Tell I Am A Pain In the Ass)

GOD: SOHF WUF?
(Translation: Sense of Humor Failure. Where Are You From?)

TXT MSG 1: WG WTSDS WUF?
(Translation: Wicked Grin. Where The Sun Don’t Shine. Where Are You From?)

GOD: NMKOP FYI JADIP
(Translation: Not My Kind of Place. For Your Information Just Another Day in Paradise)

TXT MSG1: YYSSWW A/S/ ?
(Translation: Yeah Yeah Sure Sure Whatever. Age, Sex?)

GOD: BG. WOG. FTL U?
(Translation: Big Grin. Wise Old Guru. Faster Than Light …You?)

TXT MSG1: FYA FTASB
(Translation: For Your Amusement Faster Than a Speeding Bullet.)

GOD: GGN WNOHGB. GOK LYLAB
(Translation: Gotta Go Now Where No One Has Gone Before. God Only Knows Love You Like A Brother)

TXT MSG1: WYS URYY4M SNERT
(Translation: Whatever You Say. You Are Too Wise For Me - Snotty Nosed Egotistical Rotten Teenager)

So next time you want to say something nice to a plugged in member of the younger generation, or communicate with a higher power, remember this six-letter greeting or farewell, “MTFBWY” (May The Force Be With You)!

And if you're luck seems to be running a little thin these days, never forget the awesome acronym "ABITHIWTITB"...A Bird In The Hand Is Worth Two In the Bush!

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For those who need a better handle on hand-held device communication, drop by NetLingo.