Monday, March 28, 2005


So, you think you've heard them all?

By Charles Henry Clackavoid, a flexiloquent fysigunkus (or a man on a mission of muddleheadness mixed with a minute measure of mirth)

Fear is a pretty powerful motivator. I should know.

I'm deathly afraid of slimy slugs, snakes, and other creepy things that slither about without my knowledge or permission.

But, with help from a wonky word collector named E.G. Bird living in Nanaimo, British Columbia (and publisher of the "Grandiloquent Dictionary"), I now have a comprehensive list of more fears than I care to become acquainted with or choose to acknowledge without assistance from a humdinger headshrinker.

The following little list is by no means exhaustive. After all, I didn't get past those charming ones beginning with the letter "A". However, since most of you haven't got the time or the inclination to go on a wild goose chase, let alone research obscure yet positively breath-taking phobias, I thought I would give you a peek.

ALEKTOROPHOBIA - fear of chickens (I guess we won't see too many of these folk hanging out at KFC, Chicken Chef or the Swiss Chalet will we?)

AMATHOPHOBIA - fear of dust (which probably prevents some domestic divas from achieving stardom).

APEIROPHOBIA - fear of infinity (probably just as well, since there's far too much stuff floating aimlessly about in outer space with perhaps who knows what unintended consequences -- if one should accidentally wobble and bump into another less than accommodating foreign object).

ARACHIBUTYROPHOBIA - fear of peanut butter (...who knew that a few smashed nuts would have that effect on people?)

ATAXIOPHOBIA - a fear of disorder (that can only be relieved if you hire a happy-go-lucky harridan called "The Clutter Queen" by contacting

Now the only one I didn't come across was "ANGELOPHOBIA" - fear of flying nuns (the ones that don't like riding turbo-charged broomsticks or Harley bikes) and angels (a.k.a. featherless phantoms in your average basic black attire) with a marvellous moniker -- "Michael".

Now, before I forget, could you please buzz off and let me get back to my second favorite bedtime book, "Poplollies and Bellibones" (by Susan Kelz Sperling).


For those who absolutely insist on verifying facts, factoids, and factums -- please proceed to E.G. Bird's "Grandiloquent Dictionary"

No Fooling! ... some flummoxed folks run the other way when they see a clown, (and who wouldn't, most wear weird clothes and war-paint not to mention have huge feet, humungous ears, and one heck of a blinking red nose!)


At 1:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anatidaephobia- the fear that some where, some how, a duck is watching you...

At 1:57 PM, Blogger me said...

Hey Quipping Queen, i was searching for weird fears and found yours on your blog. sweet man. Thanks cause it helped me with something for school. later..and check out my blog.


At 10:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually, arachibutyrophobia is not only the fear of peanut butter... but the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth. I read that somewhere.

At 7:04 AM, Anonymous shawn said...

I actually have APEIROPHOBIA (fear of infinty" and had it since I was a small child. It can take many forms from expierencing infinite numbers repeating in your head to being horrified that you're actually standing on a litte blue floating ball surrounded by an inconceivable amount of infinite space. Ther're all other kinds limitless horrible feelings I get from this phobia. when it fitst started it only happened once in a while in my sleep. Usually when I had a fever. Now as a 30 year old in interupts my daily life while asleep or awake. I think im going mad. It has caused me to have panic attacks and to be put on medication like paxil. Im interested in meeting and discussing this with someone who expierencing the same phobia. Please contact shawn at

At 4:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

try this one. a man once had a fear of vestiophobia fear of clothes and gymnophobia fear of nudity. Imagine that you would never wear clothes and you would never be naked. I wonder how he coped with life? Stinky i should say!? (having never had a shower)

At 4:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

me again (you know vestiophobia fear of clothes + gymnophobia fear of nudity e.c.t) how about this one chronophobia fear of time, they probably won’t make it to their 10:00AM dentist appointment on time

At 12:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

yo this is j and silent mother fucken bob. All u little bitches who talk shit about our movie are little whiney bitches. We are going to fuck all your mothers while you watch and whine like little whiney bitches. Then i am going to take a shit and make u eat it then im gonna take your shit after you shit out my shit you ate and make you eat it while i watch and fuck your mothers. After that we are going to holly wood and stop that fucking movie from getting made!


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