FUNNY PHOBIAS -- AMAZING BUT TRUE!

So, you think you've heard them all?

By Charles Henry Clackavoid, a flexiloquent fysigunkus (or a man on a mission of muddleheadness mixed with a minute measure of mirth)

Fear is a pretty powerful motivator. I should know.

I'm deathly afraid of slimy slugs, snakes, and other creepy things that slither about without my knowledge or permission.

But, with help from a wonky word collector named E.G. Bird living in Nanaimo, British Columbia (and publisher of the "Grandiloquent Dictionary"), I now have a comprehensive list of more fears than I care to become acquainted with or choose to acknowledge without assistance from a humdinger headshrinker.

The following little list is by no means exhaustive. After all, I didn't get past those charming ones beginning with the letter "A". However, since most of you haven't got the time or the inclination to go on a wild goose chase, let alone research obscure yet positively breath-taking phobias, I thought I would give you a peek.

ALEKTOROPHOBIA - fear of chickens (I guess we won't see too many of these folk hanging out at KFC, Chicken Chef or the Swiss Chalet will we?)

AMATHOPHOBIA - fear of dust (which probably prevents some domestic divas from achieving stardom).

APEIROPHOBIA - fear of infinity (probably just as well, since there's far too much stuff floating aimlessly about in outer space with perhaps who knows what unintended consequences -- if one should accidentally wobble and bump into another less than accommodating foreign object).

ARACHIBUTYROPHOBIA - fear of peanut butter (...who knew that a few smashed nuts would have that effect on people?)

ATAXIOPHOBIA - a fear of disorder (that can only be relieved if you hire a happy-go-lucky harridan called "The Clutter Queen" by contacting clutterqueen@shaw.ca.

Now the only one I didn't come across was "ANGELOPHOBIA" - fear of flying nuns (the ones that don't like riding turbo-charged broomsticks or Harley bikes) and angels (a.k.a. featherless phantoms in your average basic black attire) with a marvellous moniker -- "Michael".

Now, before I forget, could you please buzz off and let me get back to my second favorite bedtime book, "Poplollies and Bellibones" (by Susan Kelz Sperling).

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For those who absolutely insist on verifying facts, factoids, and factums -- please proceed to E.G. Bird's "Grandiloquent Dictionary" http://www.islandnet.com/~egbird/dict/dict.htm

No Fooling! ... some flummoxed folks run the other way when they see a clown, (and who wouldn't, most wear weird clothes and war-paint not to mention have huge feet, humungous ears, and one heck of a blinking red nose!) http://mentalhealth.articleinsider.com/74177_fear_of_clowns.html