Monday, November 14, 2005

A FEW WORDS ABOUT THE BLEEDING OBVIOUS

Or, the dah, dooby, or dumb ditties that pass for serious stuff

By Theolonius McTavish, a dine-in-your-own-suite happy hippy with a passion for collecting ludicrous lifestyle wear that comes in 43 shades and 25 sizes but rarely has seen the light of day because they fail to match the multiple mood swings of this feisty fashionista

The other day I was in one of my ticketyboo moods. By that I mean that I was feeling at one with the world of chaos, clutter and cataclysms. So, I took the bull by the horns so to speak, and decided to explore the world of cyberspace and cosmic events.

Allowing my inner bliss to take charge, (as opposed to being “on purpose”, operating according to a “plan”, or some such rational rigamarole to prevent one’s mind from wandering or far worse, losing one’s marbles), I typed a two random words into my ‘Google search box’ …“bleeding obvious”.

To my surprise, up popped 75,000 web pages devoted to the topic of the “bleeding obvious”. Naturally such a wealth of wisdom on the topic rather intrigued me. Exactly what sort of things constituted the “bleeding obvious”?

The University of the Bleeding Obvious in collaboration with the University of Pointless Academia in Sheffield have some rather heady stuff for on-line learners like …all you ever wanted to know about “Drive-By Wallpapering”, “Potatoes of Distinction” and the “Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Pirates”.

Fear of the unknown seems to have found fertile ground in the minds of those affectionately dubbed "who me?". This perhaps explains why the brains of clueless computer-owners were a tad discombobulated, if not short-circuited when asked by an online Customer Support Rep: “Exactly what software do you have installed?” and the daring dweeb replied: “You mean pajamas?”

On the other hand, one Aussie social activist devoted a good deal of time to grizzling and grumping about life not to mention, “Why can’t our government speak up for the bleeding obvious?” (… Hmmm…perhaps they just don’t dig “fusspots” or don’t enjoy “flapping their gums” like some feisty folks do)!

For those with an even limper grasp on life, no doubt they will be utterly amazed at recent findings published in “The Journal for Happiness Studies”. It seems that the purveyors of glad-tidings and good cheer felt it frightfully important to share the following facts with readers: not only “a large class of people found all negative emotions undesirable” but also that "food improves our social well-being!” The journalist who reported on this incredible outcome based on years of exhaustive research thoughtfully pointed out that perhaps the world would be better off if the publication was renamed, “Journal of Research into the Bleeding Obvious”.

Triva buffs will be glad to know that not every grocery store uses plastic bags. In the Land of Oz, they’ve cut back by 30%. In the Land of Gesundheit, they don’t even supply them – you must bring your own or buy one. But in the Land of Gee Whiz, we discourage “bags on wheels”. That’s because the powers that be don’t want crazy coots and codgers falling down in shopping malls or stores and suing them. But the best sport in town is probably watching a grocery packer grunt and groan if you ask for a “brown bag”. They turn the tables however by watching you huff and puff out the door with twenty environmentally-friendly bulging plastic baggies hanging off your three-foot arms.

And believe it or not, there’s a rock band out there with the marvellous moniker, “The Department of the Bleeding Obvious”. (Who knows…perhaps they’ve mastered the art of how to play the flutophone, triangle, and zither which means at long last they can be removed from the elementary school curriculum). Now who can answer my question about “Who am I?” “Where am I going?” and “What’s life all about?”

The ability to state something that is not entirely new is a highly valued commodity -- particularly if one is asked to make a few comments in front of TV cameras on a slow news day. In fact, the ability to state the bleeding obvious is something soap-opera fools and their foils do rather well, especially Sybil Fawlty, (a milquetoast matron in the British farce, “Fawlty Towers”).

In conclusion, rest assured, the “bleeding obvious” will continue to survive as long as we have enough dolts, dingbats and dweebs to provide the fascinating fodder consumed in vast quantities by merry munchkins in an udderly ridiculous world of mirth and mediocrity.

__________

For more on the University of the Bleeding Obvious, please consult: http://www.obvious.fsnet.co.uk

And for additional mindless musings about ridiculous remarks made by computer dweebs, do check out: http://rinkworks.com/stupid/cs_obvious.shtml

3 Comments:

At 3:22 PM, Blogger MICHAEL said...

I believe the expression "bleeding obvious" comes from "You flog the obvious until it bleeds at the ears", a favorite criticism of my father, then a Wall Stree lawyer, by his first employer. Is this where the expression came from?

 
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