ALL ABOUT "BONKERS"

Or, daffy delights to keep you amused when nothing else will…

By Ovid Publius Hadweenzic, Ph.D., esteemed Egghead-in-Residence and eccentric director of the Creative Loafing Institute, (an off-the-beaten endeavor supported by the FunnyMoney Foundation and the world-renowned University of Laughing Matters).

If “bonkers” is not a word commonly heard in conversation or appearing in written form today, it’s rather surprising that more than 2.2 million web pages are devoted to it.

“Bonkers” is one of those rather nice-sounding words suggesting what might occur after a good knock on the noggin or being the recipient of a thunderous thwack on one’s thinking cap leaving one slightly giddy if not entirely barmy, batty, berserk, buggy, cracked, crazy, cuckoo, daft, delirious, demented, discombobulated, disordered, distraught, dotty, fruity, gaga, insane, loco, loony, lunatic-like, maniacal, moonstruck, nuts or more to the point … gone bananas, slightly off-one’s-rocker, of unsound mind, out-to-lunch, non-compos-mentis, not-all-there, nutty as a fruitcake, sick or a tad touched-in-the-head!

So just what makes one “go bonkers”? A cursory glance at the web pages citing this state of affairs suggests the following:

• A Disney animated series called “Bonkers” (they know that anything rather nutty will have broad appeal to squirrly folk all over the giggle-challenged globe!)

• An award-winning U.K. gift shop by the same name (that offers delightful ditties such as “jelly cat soft toys” if you please!)

• A family-fun center in Quincy, Illinois that offers a great place to gulp down goodies, trounce tikes n’ tots, and play mind-boggling arcade games (yikes!)

• Hardcore dance music (designed to send one into a permanent trance perhaps?)

• Strawberry candies (that may break your bicuspid if you’re not careful!)

• A British Lord by the name of Bonkers who served as a Liberal MP from 1906 to 1910 (perhaps just a prelude to the infamous Lord HaHa in WWII).

• Hand-dyed exotic spinning yarns (…perhaps for those who love to tell tall tales?)

• Toxic Bonkers (the details of which remain quite obscure due to the foreign text that accompanies said materials).

• A quaint fishing accessory known as “Bass Bonkers” (…lurid lines never fail!)

• “Bonkers and Pickles” homepage (likely to appeal only to “Beaglepersons”).

• A ripsnorting recipe for a rum and raspberry cocktail (that may leave you with tingly toes or a twitching twizzle stick!)

• A curious book title by author Jen Sorenson called, “Slowpoke America Gone Bonkers” (not recommended for fast-track MBA graduates!)

• Chance of infection by a mobile phone virus (the real question is …what’s the antidote other than chucking your chinwag and chortle device?)

• The name of a bingo game and slot machine (for those who don't know what to do with loose change, fidgety fingers and too much time on their hands).

• “Banana Bonkers” require bananas naturally plus grapefruit juice, lemon sherbet and crushed ice (which is also why some citric suckers just pucker up and glow all night).

• Name of an unusual fabric-covered “catnip mouse” (you probably won’t find in any ordinary house full of fickle felines!)

• Innovative strategies designed to unleash your genius by increasing your brain IQ (not to mention letting you come completely unhinged and crazy if you’re willing to try them!)

• Toucan Inn & Bonkers – in Tobago (if you have to kick back in this remote resort…you probably have had a little too much sunshine for your own good!)

• Why “Festival CocoNuts” (in Edinburgh, Scotland) aren’t bonkers (like the rest of the flipping fringe and kilt-hiking elements of society).

Conclusion, next time you want to take a walk on the wild side, check out the dark side of the moon, or tap into the world of the supernatural wear safety boots, carry an Oxford Concise Dictionary and your hand-dandy Swiss Army knife. And, whatever you do … don’t forget to “Smile” …you never know who’s hiding behind a “candid camera”!