Sunday, March 19, 2006

FUNNY FOODIE PHRASES - Part III

Or, are you sure we are what we eat?

By Pierre Buldoo, a cock-a-leekie cook who spends his spare time collecting cute cock-and-bull stories not to mention curious culinary expressions that may be useful to impress those hard-to-please cock-a-hoop folks from out of town or visiting firemen with oodles of time on their hands and no place to go

While glancing through the “Glossary of Gluttony & Guzzling” the other day, I came upon some weird and wonderful words beginning with the letter "c" that deserve a special spot on any platter of puckery.

So, when eat out next time at a fine restaurant with primp and proper guests, please feel free to sprinkle these sumptuous syllables about to warm the cockles of the heart belonging to your dinner companions and snooty service personnel.

cachinnate (v.) to laugh loudly at the sight of funny-looking food or funny-fingered folks trying to eat lobster tail in a delicate manner (so as not to attract unwarranted attention)

cagmag (n.) a tough old goose, or simply inferior food of any kind (often found in places whose reputations proceed them such as ‘greasy spoons’ or ‘holes in the wall’)

cancatervate (v.) to heap humungous amounts of pasta into a pile in the middle of one’s plate (in order to have more room to plop the “alfredo” or spicy tomato sauce)

cannikin (n.) a small can or drinking vessel (filled with whatever tickles one’s fancy) that fits inconspicuously in purse, pack sack or jacket pocket

cap-à-pie (adv.) meaning ‘from head to foot’, consistent with the behavior of one who prefers to put a foot rather than finger food in his/her mouth at cocktail parties

caperberry (n.) bears no relation to the “crackleberry”, but in ancient times it was sad that the berry of the caper plan was considered a strong aphrodisiac for those who are tired of tantric exercises or little blue pick-me-up pills

capernoited (adj.) descriptive of a slightly inebriated, soused or tipsy guest whom you probably never should have invited for a meal, (even if it is your best buddy or bemusing boss)

cardoon (n.) no ...it’s not a party pooper, a wet blanket, or a popcorn-consuming bridge-player but rather a prickly plant akin to an artichoke whose fleshy inner leaves are often eaten as an aphrodisiac, especially in the land of lovers (France)

carminative (adj.) descriptive of bacterial buildup that induces the expulsion of "vulgar winds" (better known as "rogue volatiles" such as "blue angels", "freeps" or "sliders") from the intestine caused by the ingestion of lovely legumes or lactose foods

carnophobia (n.) a fear of meat particularly, “hot dogs” or “pigs-in-a-blanket”

carpophageous (adj.) fruit-eating, (popular among happy hippy peach pit folks and groovy grape or granola types living in California or the Gulf Islands of B.C.)

cenatorial (adj.) pertaining to dinner or supper as in “George eagerly looked forward to joining his closest cenatorial companions, (a six-foot tall white rabbit named “Harry” and a horizontally-challenged elephant with a blue tusk called “Boo Hoo”), for some gristle and grog at a nearby pub.”

cepivorous (adj.) onion-eating, (a great hobby for those who hate hobnobbing)

chalybeat (n.) archaic term for beer consumed by chilly willies and chinwaggers

chankings (n.) morsels of a half-masticated meal that fall out of one’s mouth quite by accident, or bits of food that are intentionally abandoned or rejected (after having been chewed or chomped upon and deposited unobtrusively on the corner of one’s plate)

chthonopagia (n.) excessive consumption of dirt, (synonymous with too much hearth and home…so how blasting off from the “Mother Ship” for a night out with those blessed “Beastie Boys”?)

chug-a-lug (v.) to consume the entire contents of a beverage container without stopping for air while seated on a bar stool of some sort, (accompanied by that well known tippling tune sung by one’s blotto buddies, “Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall”)

Cissa, aka cittosis (n.) an acute craving or abnormal desire for strange foods during pregnancy, (that fortunately afflicts only half of humanity, more or less)

cleptobiosis(n.): a condition known as fleshpot thievery, food foraging without a permit, grub grabbing when no one’s looking, sustenance stealing involving the plunder of edible provisions without permission; (not recommended for formal occasions)

coddling (n.) a small immature green cooking apple; (they’re often of more use in a great game at Halloween involving having them bob about in a bucket of water while asking one’s guests to bite into them without making a mess of one’s dining room table)

codswallop (n.) unadulterated nonsense that’s best shared among friends on April Fool’s Day

Cold Duck (n.) a cheap blend of sparkling burgundy and domestic champagne that’s often used to impress an amatory acquaintance

coshering (n.) the prerogative of a feudal lord entitling him to lodging and a meal at the expense of others, (today we might call this individual a meal moocher who takes advantage of a relative, friend, colleague or employee’s hospitality once too often)

costermonger (n.) a street vendor or “hawker” who sells fish, fruits, vegetables and other comestibles from a cart (that probably did not pass the latest safety inspection by the Motor Vehicle Branch but whose owner is a member in good standing of the goody-two-shoes guild who supplies fresh ingredients to the chef in your favorite restaurant)

crackleberries (n.pl.) what those Downunder Aussies love to eat, better known as eggs

crapulous (adj.) given to gluttony, over-eating, or a similar condition known as being “sick by intemperance” (requiring an extra large bib and a wallet full of credit cards)

creophagist (n.) a carnivore or meat-eater who can’t stand the sight of carbohydrates

cribble (n.) course flour or meal, that when mixed with water makes superb glue; (v.) to sift or to pass through a sieve (hopefully this removes all the nits or bits of things one hasn’t a clue how they got in there in the first place)

cucurbitaceous: resembling a cucumber or squash (a real tongue-twister to pull out of your triva treasure chest during particularly long pauses in dinner conversation among dreadfully boring dinner companions at a wit-challenged wedding or retirement party)

cuckoo-ale (n.) a hops beverage consumed out of doors by agricultural laborers amidst much mirth and jollity celebrating the sound of the first cuckoo birds returning in springtime

Cuttle-Fish (n.) a piscatorial ingredient in love potions reputed to have been used by thaumaturgist Apuleius, who lived in the second century A.D. and is said to have prepared it in order to win the affections of a wink and blink widow

____________

For those who like to eat and feed on more unusual words, do drop by The Phrontistery .

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