Thursday, March 09, 2006


Or, amusing ambrosia for addlepated Adams’ apple lovers

By Pierre Buldoo, a smashing short-order cook at the Carpet Knight Cafe, who spends his spare time collecting curious culinary expressions that may be useful in filling a boring breach in one of those long, awkward, pregnant pauses that often occur during a dazzlingly drab dinnertable conversation in a hoity-toity restaurant whose name you can't pronounce and a maitre d' who takes pride in exhibiting an appalling display of faux French

Culinary consumption has long been known as the best way to enhance one's girth not to mention ensure one has an indubitably good time.

So to get in the spirit of scrumptious sauciness and shameless scuttlebutt, I have produced below a short list of funny foodie phrases beginning with the letter "B", (designed to whet the appetite or whistle whichever comes first).

barathrum (n.) a person with an insatiable appetite like a bottomless pit

basil (n.) an aromatic plant used by wily women as a love charm; also known for its therapeutic qualities and said to help the deficiency of Venus

batrachophagous (adj.) descriptive of one who indulges in delicacies like frogs or toads

Batrachophobia (n.) a fear of amphibious vertebrates such as frogs or toads (whether alive, pan-fried, or pickled)

beasts of venery ( the hart, hind, hare, boar and wolf (in other words red-blooded wild things better left in the woods with Little Red Riding Hood and her grandmother)

bedabble (vb.) to wet or soil by dabbling (as in fingering foods without a pair of gloves)

belly-pinched (adv.) starved sumptuous sustenance types, (i.e. hungry-as-a-horse folk without a horse of course)

belly-rack (n.) the art of gormandizing, i.e. stretching the belly or gut from excess food and boasting about such feats to one's feckless friends

Bête noire (n.) commonly called a bugbear; (as in a person or thing to be avoided because it tends to turn one’s tummy into a topsy-turvy state and being called a ‘party pooper’)

biltong (n.) South African expression meaning jerked meat, (i.e. not your average netherparts, from the word “bil” – buttock + “tong” – tongue)

Bird Nest Soup (n.) an aphrodisiac Chinese culinary preparation that leaves ladle lovers a bit “bird-brained” after the first course

bizarrerie (n.) any portion of menu that is odd, eccentric, or highly unusual (such as dromedary drumsticks, fricasseed angel wings, or a tantalizing tidbit of toasted tripe)

bleezed (adv.) denotes the change in one’s countenance following the consumption of far too much alcohol at a wake, a wedding, or a workplace retirement party

blind tiger (n.) a pretty potty place (that sells a wide selection of intoxicants illegally)

blinked beer (n.) sour, weak (bad) beer that may result in belching and “belly-vengeance” among lounge lizards

bloated (adj.) descriptive of an obnoxiously vain gut (that suffers from too much gourmet gluttony, grubbing good times, or gratuitous grab-bagging)

BlOnD GiRaFfe (n.) a boisterous bit of beefsteak served to folks with big chompers, long necks, and fat wallets

blotto (n.) a delirious state of mind induced by the immoderate ingestion of several barrels of beer, a basket of rather bold burgundy, or a case of very bad spirits

blue-plate (adj.) descriptive of the main course on a mild-mannered menu that comes with measly morsels of meat, a portion of insipid wimpy veggies, served with cold tasteless gravy and a simpering sprig of last week’s parsley (on special from the local farmer’s market)

bonnyclabber (n.) sour milk that has become thickened (not great for the old British dessert standby of milk pudding, or its American counterpart, the ice-cream soda)

bouffage (n.) a satisfying meal usually involving the consumption of meat, especially hamburgers (i.e. eating in a greedy manner by filling one’s mouth and making one’s cheeks swell excessively to impress one’s dinner companions or rude relatives)

brizzle (vb.) to burn slightly, singe, or scorch (a “must” have skill for any backyard barbecue enthusiast)

Broad Bean Soup (n.) a light meal consumed daily by Italians for its amatory virtues

Buttermilk Bath (n.) an exceptional anti-aphrodisiac said to repel ripsnorting amatory challenges (by coating the consumer in the buttermilk of a she-buffalo)


For those who can't get enough gourmet giraffes and guffaws, please consider visiting one of may favorite watering holes and wicked eateries in Key West, Florida - the "BlOnD GiRaFfe" (see photo above).


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At 2:05 AM, Blogger Chaeles Bagli said...

mann i love bird's nest soup too even IF its made from spit!!! <333

i eat it like once every monthish and used to bought from website sometimes, my mom went back to hong kong and bought a full suitcase of it cause its cheaper there XD


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