THINGS YOU WON'T FIND IN THE DICTIONARY

Or, why we need a "Lost and Found" word bin.

Why are the following words not in the dictionary you ask?

The short answer is probably because no one uses them but me.

The long answer is more likely that:

1) some people lack the curiosity to invent words for unidentified trivial objects, unclassified tacky people, or unrecognized trite circumstances lurking about in the universe;
2) some homo sapiens lack the time to market them unless doing so will make them gazillionnaires; and

3) some earthlings are short on the talent required to convince word banks to invest in unfamiliar no-name things.

So, to make a long story short...here's a list of nonce words in my colourful vocabulary that have not yet found their way into any dictionary.

blue-toothinger n. one who sends titillating text messages to udder strangers on nearby cell-phones.

botchism n. a management or political philosophy based on smashing stuff to smithereens and then hiring Humpty Dumpty to put the frigging mess back together again.

butology n. the esoteric science of perfecting lame excuses to the nth degree.

emoticonist n. a one-dimensional multiple personality with an untreatable punctuation disorder.

gazillionnaire n. one who owns a chauffer-driven, gas-guzzling, behmouth of a military jeep with padded leather seats, a champagne-sipping blond bombshell inside, and a police escort with sirens blaring, "Here Comes the Chief".

heeving meemies n.pl. long-forgotten blue-movie clips that surface unexpectedly during the ascension of a shooting starlette from Hollywood.

nilpotentate n. technical term for any individual who is equal to zero when raised to any power.

niminy-piminyist n. euphemism for one who dots the i's, crosses the t's and cuts corporate head counts with glee.

nipper-upper n. polite term meaning not your average tippler; those who snort more than is socially acceptable, talk non-stop, and insist on stating every degree, title, and award they've got in their email signature line.

prepumptuous adj. descriptive of gas jockeys now turned celebrities with obscene salaries, nasty tempers, and inflated cerebellums.

shediditism n. belief in the existence of the corrupt, evil, incorrigible Bad Tooth Fairy.

Should readers be interested in adding these words to their vocabulary, please feel free to do so. And, should the nice folks from Webster's like to supplement their beautiful big book of very important meanings with these humble expressions...The Quipping Queen would be delightfully surprised, highly amused and of course, ever so grateful.

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For all you weird word warrious out there with lots of time on your hands, why not invite a few friends over to play a hilarious new game called, "THINGS" (Humor-in-a-Box).  Just drop by your local toy store and ask for it, or order it on-line at http://www.thingsthegame.com