THINGS CALLED "F..F...F....FEELINGS"

Or …let your big, beautiful button say it all!


I saw a poster on the wall of a kindergarten the other day. So I stopped and pondered.

The poster displayed the cartoon faces of fourteen fearless little munchkins. Each face conveyed different “feelings”…you know the familiar ones like embarrassment, guilt, and joy. Hmmm…I noticed, the poster publishers left out “calm”, “clueless”, and “cogitating”, I wonder why?

Come to think of it, if most kids can’t read the captions, let alone each other, why put up the poster? Okay, so maybe it's just the teacher’s “cheat sheet”. Guess that's the only way to spot those “testy feelings” in tikes before they resort to spunky "sit-in" tactics to spice up an otherwise boring “show and tell” class.

Anyway, since adults are embarrassed about affixing anything to their walls except degrees and diplomas, this poster is definitely out. Wearing a button on one's breast or bosom looks like the best option to get one's "feelings" across to paramours, plebes or potentates.

What to do with "feelings" ...(assuming they're not all hanging out like laundry on the line for everyone to see, or else hanging on for dear life to a wall poster)?

Frankly, wearing a button is necessary -- especially if you're dressing for success! Just watch out for those bold, bright or blinky ones -- they look incredibly dorky.

Besides on Casual Friday, looking "cool" to “care bears”…like significant others, colleagues, and bosses is the name of the game. Alas, the "aliens" (affectionately called "customers" and "clients") know they wouldn't be caught dead wearing a button, so you must be a tosspot, a troll, or just a twerp.

Lose the smiley face. And forget emoticons -- most were designed by dweebs who don't have a life anyway! So, put on your dancing shoes or spurs -- it's "attitude time" at the OK corral!


Button Button, Where's that Blessed Button...?

Instead of letting your flaky, floppy, or flummoxed "feelings" all hang out -- just get a blooming big button that blurts out just where you stand on life, the universe, and everthing! Don't leave your friends and foes guessing.

Adding a bit of flair, fun and frolic to your discombulated diva day or your dunce-worthy week is just what the doctor ordered!. And, you'll be tickled pink with the results -- I guarantee it!

Oh and by the way, if you're the shy, retiring type -- try on a few of the witty, winsome words below. You'll spruce up that breathtakingly boring button collection of your's in no time flat!

• Approach. Bow and Scrape. State Your Business.

• Are you reading my button or are you just bedazzled by my beauty?

• Blithering Genius at Work.

• Warning: You Have Entered A Tact-Free Zone!

• Verbally-challenged vixen at your service!

• Headcheese from Heck

• I’m the Imp of Perversity – knowing this won’t help you either.

• Chaos, Panic, Disorder – My Work is Done!

• Experiencing Ennui Naturally.

• Meandering to a Different Drummer.

• Runs With Scissors & Walks on Water

• Vampire Support Counsellor

• Free Roaming Agent of Calamity

• Beware: Shy Rights Activist On The Loose!

• Call Me “Bluetooth Babe” - Your Wireless Wonder Wench!

• Warning: Whimsical When Winging It

• Sacred Cows Make Divine Burgers

• Just call me "Radical Reference Librarian"!

• Cute -- I Can Do Cute; But Perky -- Forget It!

• “We are not amused.” (Attributed to Queen Victoria.)

• “It is only trifles that irritate my nerves.” (Queen Victoria.)
  
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  For those of you who are at a loss for words, have't been visited by the Spirit of Serendipity of, or haven't a clue what to put on your button -- try visiting some interesting websites:

• "Word Lab" http://www.word-lab.com
• "Snapdragon Gifts" online at http://www.snapdragongifts.com
• or visit one of my "fav" funnymen, George Carlin http://www.georgecarlin.com