Monday, August 16, 2004

THINGS THAT COME OUT OF THE MOUTHES OF MUNCHKINS

Or… did you hear that?

Things that come out of the mouth of munchkins is a rather interesting topic. Let's see, there's all manner of found objects like cigarette butts and half-consumed creepy critters not to mention splatter-inspired recipies including cereal, strained veggies, or fruit juice. Hmmm... there are also words that you hadn't a clue your tiny tot even knew.

"Little nippers", (as my Dad used to call kids under the age of six), have a wonderful way of babbling unabashedly on about things overheard in adult conversation. Come to think of it, my grandfather had his own "house rule" -- “children should be seen and not heard”. No wonder he hated Dr. Spock (not the 'space cadet'). And, he didn't give a sweet petootie about Dale Carnegie (the fellow whose claim to fame was telling everyone "how to win friends and influence people").

So, you can imagine what happened when three generations of our family got together. Each one wanted to play "show and tell", hog the limelight, or just barge right in and blurt out the first blessed thing that came to mind.

Some of the best darned zingers I know are those that come out of the mouths of babes. They're uttered quite innocently, if not unexpectedly, to the great chagrin of grownups within earshot.

Here are a few to tickle your funnybone. Oh and by the way, if nothing strikes your fancy, feel free to listen in on the next adult conversation and just repeat the juicy snippets (just like kids do).

-- "Daddy, is that the fat lady you don’t like?"

-- "Um, I need to unplug for a while. "

-- "Mummy, why is Daddy walking around in circles?"

-- "This isn’t exactly what I had in mind, snookums."

-- "I wouldn’t be caught dead in THAT outfit!"

-- "Don’t even think of it!"

-- "OK, I want you two back home by 10 p.m. or I’m sending the posse out after you."

-- "Trust me Linda… an extreme makeover won’t do a thing for your flat bottom."

-- "Listen up Pops, that won’t cut it!"

-- "Not tonight dear."

-- "Okay Princess, I know I’m a little late … . "

-- "So smarty-pants... where are my Depends?"

-- "Look Daddy, she’s spitting tacks!"

-- "Yo there Frodo ... can you spare me a dime?"

-- "Of course I know where I’m going honeybun!"

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And if you'd like to read some loopy lullabies -- or give something to a couple of eccentric parents -- take a peek at Lisa Ann Marsoli and Vickey Bolling's little gems (all available at your favorite on-line store http://www.amazon.com -- Jack & Jill's Spills -- Humpty Dumpty: All Cracked Up! -- HoneyBunch: A Keepsake Storybook of the Funny Names Moms & Dads Call Their Babies.