BY JOVE IT'S JOLLY JUNE!

CALENDAR OF ODD EVENTS
-- Eccentric events and odd occasions to celebrate in June 2005 –

**Compiled by Lady Beatrice Blitterlees (referred to as the Duchess of Dither) and edited by Lord Earl Craboon (otherwise known as the Duke of Doorknobs)

If June is “bust’n out all over”, you’re probably a green-thumb type, a frisky cowpoke, or perhaps just a “Hot Foot powder” aficionado.

On the other hand, maybe you’re one of those testy technical types who are rather relieved to know that we’re half way through the Gregorian calendar.

Besides celebrating “Clean Air” day (time to let those soiled socks in one’s bottom drawer see the light of day), it’s also time to honor fathers everywhere by giving them a token of your appreciation …a flipping flyswatter!

So without further adieu, before bidding a fond farewell, and after a few giggling good-byes…perhaps take a glance at what's in store for the jolly month of June.

June 1 – CLEAN AIR APPRECIATION DAY (Time to honor those with a compelling need to air their dirty linen in public or engage in a natural urge to break wind in elevators).

June 2 – NO IMPROVEMENT NECESSARY DAY (For all those “I’m all right Jack/Jill” people you know who are fine and dandy just the way they are thank you!)

June 3 – PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD DAY (Vanquishing one’s veggies, eating giggling Jell-O with a fork and mashed mayhem never looked like so much fun!)

June 4 – GEMINI APPRECIATION DAY (Time to honor all those heavenly twins you know who are also restless, impractical, gossipy, nervous and a tad capricious or fickle).

June 5 – SUCCESS OBJECT RECOGNITION DAY (Time to flaunt whatever makes you feel like a King or Queen including your newly renovated throne room if you wish).

June 6 – NATIONAL KICK-THE-CAN DAY (When the going gets tough, it’s nice to know one can harrumph, utter a hearty grunt, or kick the daylights out of a trash can).

June 7 – INTERNATIONAL BELLY-DANCING DAY (It’s never too late to flaunt your flab, wag your tail and do the hoochy-koochy ‘cause that’s what life’s all about!)

June 8 – SANDBOX APPRECIATION DAY (Time to whip out the shovels, pails, beach balls and water balloons; play fair …no pulling hair and no tattle-tales please!)

June 9 – JUG BAND DAY (For all those folks who can’t hold a tune but can play a kazoo, a pennywhistle, and drum on pots…now who says that aint’ music!)

June 10 – NATIONAL TOOTH FAIRY APPRECIATION DAY (In honor of the Goddess-of-Grin-&-Bear-It and those who yank chompers all day long for a living).

June 11 – FINGERNAIL FASHION DAY (Time to decorate those delightful digits with clashing colors, stylish sparkle, or perhaps even super-size them for a change!)

June 12 – NOT-YOUR-AVERAGE-ART DAY (A fine way to honor the messy munchkin inside you with plenty of papier-mâché, finger-paints, or oodles of play-doh!)

June 13 – TEFLON SUIT APPRECIATION DAY (In honor of those who manage to survive by letting all manner of things slide off their backs and onto someone else’s!)

June 14 – NAUGHTY T-SHIRT DAY (A way to pacify the politically-incorrect people in your life who have a bad habit of buying novelty t-shirts with raunchy, ribald retorts).

June 15 – LOOPY LIBRARY DAY (Time to look for a book with a really weird title to amaze your friends, family, or colleagues at work just to see the look on their faces!)

June 16 – HOITY-TOITY, HIGHFALUTIN & HIGH-MUCK-A-MUCK APPRECIATION DAY (Time to honor all the la-di-da ladies you know not to mention the other pompous, pretentious and puffed up people, flighty and frivolous folks or snobby and snooty sorts by throwing them all a stylish swine & dirty-foot cheese party of course!)

June 17 – NATIONAL SWING & TEETER-TOTTER APPRECIATION DAY (Time to test every playground swing and teeter-totter in town just for the heck of it!)

June 18 – NATIONAL PET-PEEVE DAY (Name those top five blessed things that people do that nearly drive you to drink, …up a wall…or maybe right round the bend).

June 19 – SIR WALTER RALEIGH APPRECIATION DAY (A time to honor all patriarchs who engage in shameless acts of chivalry and wanton acts of gallantry like giving up their seat or opening doors for a woman, bestowing flowers upon the fair sex and laying down of one’s coat in a pretty big puddle to impress those feisty feminists).

June 20 – HASTY PUDDING DAY (There are only got three things in the cupboard and you have to make a tasty treat in five minutes…what’s the recipe and the ingredients?)

June 21 – INTERNATIONAL HARUM-SCARUM DAY (A day of utterly reckless abandon, with no busybodies, monitors, or supervisors in sight…what are you doing?)

June 22 – LONG JOHNS APPRECIATION DAY – (What a terrific way to celebrate the longest day of the year not to mention tidy up your bottom drawer at the same time).

June 23 – HAND-ME-DOWN DAY (Pass along a previously-enjoyed, ready-made, cheap or shoddy thing to someone who truly deserves it…what is it and who gets it?)

June 24 – HARE & HOUNDS DAY (A wonderful excuse to scatter scraps of waste paper in the woods and then invite some flummoxed friends along to follow the trail).

June 25 – HANKY-PANKY APPRECIATION DAY (A way to honor the hocus-pocus inclined who aren’t into hand-holding, handsprings, or arm-wrestling any time soon).

June 26 – NATIONAL GLOATING DAY (Time to glance admiringly at the apple of one’s eye or delight in someone else’s misfortune as long as the person doesn’t see you).

June 27 – STANDING ON ONE’S HEAD DAY (To gain a new perspective on life; not recommended for precocious pin-heads or members of the Flat Earth Society).

June 28 – GLOBAL GLAD-HANDING & GAD-FLY APPRECIATION DAY (In recognition of people who love people and their annoying little habit of inserting smiley-faces in the signature line of every email or hand-written note they send you!)

June 29 – GREAT GIZMO & GADGET DAY (Time to let everyone know your top three “must-haves” on your exceedingly long Christmas Wish List this year!)

June 30 – HARD-AND-FAST-RULE BREAKING DAY (The Fickle Finger of Fate has allowed you one day to bend or break an immutable rule …which one is it?)

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For more about the origin of "hoity-toity", please see http://www.timboucher.com/journal/2005/01/hoity-toity-word-origin.html