BLANKETY BLANK BLANKS

Or, why the bleep should anyone care?

By Samantha Tooting-Beck, a jest-in-time journalist with an interest in the lifestyle of lackadaisical libertines and low-expectation lounge lizards with lofty literary pretensions

According to a leading tickle-me-pink trend-spotter by the name of Professor Ovid Publius Hadweenzic, (Dean of Do-Nothing & Drollery at the University of Unanticipated Unlikelihoods), the world of blankety blank blanks is increasing at an ever alarming pace.

His rich recollective research into the obscure oddities of life on planet Earth reveals no less than 102,000 web pages currently devoted to the timely topic of blank looks. Professor Hadweenzic speculates that perhaps the sharp increase in the frequency of blank looks is inversely proportional to the number of blank maps of Canada ordered by elementary teachers. Only time will tell.

An even more scintillating statistic is that an astounding 341,000 web pages are dedicated to the existence of titleless tomes better known as blank books. Dr. Hadweenzic suggests that the burgeoning blank book business may in part be attributed to the ever-expanding cache of hidden cookies found on blank web pages. So grab your credit card and pick up a copy of your favorite fake folio before it disappears for good!

And if that doesn't rock your socks off, perhaps knowing that 1,190,000 web pages underline the importance of filling in the blanks correctly will certainly do so. Otherwise the Law of Loopholes will prevail and you'll find yourself failing, flopping, or simply flunking your next exam. It is important to note that the esteemed Dean of Do-Nothing & Drollery had precious little to say about this unmerciful, unmistakable, if not unrewarding fact of life.

However, the good news is that if the latter untoward event should happen, you can take solace in the fact that there's a cute consolation prize waiting for you with your name engraved on it. Oh whoop-dee-do! Won't your family and friends be impressed when you pull out your Blankety Blank Cheque Book and Pen Set at your next glee-challenged gathering.