ONLY IN NORTH AMERICA

Or, paradoxical places to visit in the heartland of stars, spangled banners, and snowshoes

By Ovid Publius Hadweenzic, PhD (a pretty hopeless dingbat) who occupies a place of honor in The Creative Loafing Institute as Dean of Dross & Drollery, and Occasional Chairperson of the Cheerful Chinwag & Chortle Department when the spirit moves him

North America, heartland of baubles and bling, glitter and glam, plus oodles of stars, spangled banners and way too many snowshoes, is also a hilarious hub of paradoxical places one can choose to settle down or simply set up shop.

A quirky quilt of posh if not sometimes peculiar place names exits to meet the needs of eclectic, eccentric, and entertaining folk looking for a place to plop.

Indeed, one does not have to look to far to find a delightful directory of dazzling places to visit. There’s a wonderfully wonky selection of titillating towns to choose from, (especially if one is into big screen personalities).

• Archie (Louisiana)
• Ben Franklin (Texas)
• Ben Hur (Texas)
• Ben Hur (Virginia)
• Big Foot (Texas)
• Big Ugly (West Virginia)
• Buddha (Indiana)
• Flintstone (Maryland)
• George (Washington)
• Homerville (Goergia)
• King Arthur’s Court (Michigan)
• King of Prussia (Pennsylvania)
• Frankenstein (Missouri)
• Napoleon (North Dakota)
• Papa (Hawaii)
• Pocahontas (Arkansas)
• Romeo (Michigan)
• Robinhood (Maine)
• Ruff Starbuck (Washington)
• Santa Claus (Indiana)
• Santa Claus (Georgia)
• Satan's Kingdom (Vermont)
• Tarzan (Texas)
• Tolstoy (South Dakota)
• Uncle Sam (Louisiana)
• Voltaire (North Dakota)

On the other hand, if one lives north of the 49th parallel, the scintillating show-stopper spots on the map truly leave a lot to be desired:

• Bugaboos (British Columbia)
• Cupids (in Newfoundland)
• Disney Island (Ontario)
• Disraeli (Quebec)
• Druid (Saskatchewan)
• Ebenezer (Prince Edward Island)
• Hitchcock (Saskatchewan)
• Mermaid (Prince Edward Island)
• Mozart (Saskatchewan)
• Nixon (Ontario)
• Starbuck (Manitoba)
• Sultan (Ontario)
• Viking (Alberta)
• Vulcan (Alberta)
• Xena (Saskatchewan)