FALL FUN FARE
BRUTES & BOZOS BEWARE!
- Registration for UBER UNIVERSITEASE courses must be completed by Monday, September 11, 2006.
- The complexity and difficulty level of contents means that class sizes for "Knights of the Big Red Round Table" and their enigmatic entourages will be limited to 8 participants maximum.
- All classes begin on Monday, September 18, 2006.
COURSE SYLLABUS AND TIMETABLE
Class 1: How To Fill Up Ice Cube Trays.--- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday & Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 p.m.
Class 2: The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself? --- Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 noon for 2 hours.
Class 3: Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 a.m. for 2 hours.
Class 4: Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor. --- Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturday at 2:00 p.m. for 3 weeks.
Class 5: After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? --- Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 p.m.
Class 6: Loss Of Identity - Losing The Remote Control Device To Your Significant Other. --- Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 p.m.
Class 7: Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. --- Open Forum. Monday at 8:00 p.m. for 2 hours.
Class 8: Health Watch- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. --- Graphics and Audio Tapes.Three nights - Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 p.m. for 2 hours.
Class 9: Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost. --- Real Life Testimonials. Tuesday at 6:00 p.m.; location to be determined.
Class 10: Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? --- Driving Simulations. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday noon, 2 hours.
Class 11: LIFE LESSONS 1 - 10: Learning the Basic Differences Between Mother & Wife. --- Online Classes and Role-playing. Tuesday at 7:00 p.m., location to be determined.
Class 12: How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion. --- Relaxation Exercises, Meditation & Breathing Techniques. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours, beginning at 7:00 p.m.
Class 13: How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy - Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late. --- Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 p.m. for 2 hours.
Class 14: The Stove/Oven - What It Is? How It Is Used? --- Live Demonstration.Tuesday at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Class 15: A Word About Air Freshners - It May Be Fun to Fart Around At Work Without Any Consequences, But At Home It's Quite Another Matter --- Theory Session, field trip to the local supermarket to select cost-effective, environmentally-friendly fragrances and practical demonstration on their use in confined spaces. Thursday at 7:00 p.m.
1. POTENTIAL PARTICIPANTS: Upon completion of any of the above accredited courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
2. All courses offered by the fully-accredited Uber Universitease come with self-centered, self-help audio and video tapes or high-definition dude DVDs for the patriarchically-challenged or self-described "non-people persons".
Contributed by a cackle-conscious, Creative Loafer named Renie, (a retired university Professor of English now residing in Victoria, British Columbia).