Friday, July 09, 2004

THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T TIE TO THE ROOF OF YOUR VEHICLE

Oops, why didn't I think of that...

Some folks in Lotusland are at best naieve and at worst just plain fools.

When asked what things should not be tied to the roof of one's vehicle, under any circumstances...here are a few of their "super-natural" responses.

1. Ogopogo (an endangered slimy, bottom-sucking creature that keeps a lakeside tourist town alive).

2. Any PVC inflatable life-size mascot (not approved by Transport Canada for use on public roads).

3. Big Foot (aka an anti-social, hirusitic, halatosis-challenged species with whom you wouldn't want to be seen even on a blind date).

4. Your neighbor's snarky pit bull (not a bad idea, but the SPCA will start asking far too many questions that you can't answer).

5. Your mother-in-law wearing her favorite bibbidy bobbity boo outfit (...why not learn to love your Fairy Godmother or she won't leave you her magic wand in her will).

6. Rudolph-the-Red-Nosed-Reindeer (okay, so you don't like u-brew ungulates but let me remind you that Santa will make sure you're off his Christmas list for good should you even contemplate putting this trophy on the hood of your four-wheel drive, half-ton, pick-up truck).

7. Your tack-spitting grade 6 Math teacher (...forget it, he's got Alzheimer's and will drive you nuts drawing smiley faces everywhere).

8. Those bright red bloomers or boxer shorts with the little green salamanders (nice try, but the white heads on your street will probably dial 911 to report a pervert in the neighbourhood).

9. A heavy-duty sound system with sub-woofers and the wafting sounds of heavy breathing (bound to keep the neighbours awake all night...and another 911 call...ah shucks).

10. Any tacky piece of public art (...now there's a sure-fire reason why you won't be attending the Mayor's fabulous New Year's patronage party any time soon).

__________

If you like this provocative topic, then you'll get a real kick out of playing a new game called, "THINGS" (Humor-in-a-Box).  Just visit your local toy store and ask for it by name, or order it on line at http://www.thingsthegame.com