Sunday, July 18, 2004


And why not pray tell...?

Here's my list of 10 things that I would probably decline if offered to me by strangers (aka incidental tourists) or aliens from outer space (aka those who are unlikely to be on my wonky wavelength).

1. Any unsolicited piece of advice (unless it comes with a no-questions asked, money-back guarantee).

2. A previously-enjoyed wad of chewing gum (unless it's my very favorite, you know, the passion juicy fruit one).

3. A starring role in a blue movie (unless I can play the 'do-this-do-that', domintrix diva).

4. A ride on the back of an alligator (unless it comes with a saddle and a muzzle on its mouth).

5. A sumptuous meal of pickled pigs feet and fried fish gills garnished with dirty foot cheese (unless they serve soft neopolitan ice-cream sprinkled with chocolate candy kisses for dessert).

6. A black, hairy, four-legged creature (unless it can wag its tail and obey my every command).

7. An invitation to open Pandora's Box (unless the only thing inside is a winning lottery ticket).

8. A book that will save me (not unless it has fewer than 5 pages and is written by the Big Kahuna or the Guru of Glitch).

9. A challenging round of golf (frankly, whacking a bunch of itty bitty balls into 18 tiny holes and yelling "fore" is not my idea of fun ...unless of course my opponent worships the ground I walk on, lets me keep score, and pays homage to me as the Deity of Divots).

10. A proposal of marriage (unless it's from Prince Charming with no strings attached plus a credit card in my name and no spending limit).


Plum out of things to do to keep your funnybone in shape, well then why not try "THINGS" (Humor-in-a-Box), a terrific game for folks who want to have the last laugh! Just visit your local toy store and ask for it, or order it on line at


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