QUIRKY CONUNDRUMS

Or, mirthful musings from the Land of Here We Go Looby-Loo

By Penelope Bonkles, a loose-lipped lass with a penchant for Punkydoodle Pea Soup and peculiar piffles that boggle the brain and banish the blues

Have you ever wondered about weird things? You know like, who invented the word purple …or why some people are “tickled pink” about life, while others appear to suffer from the “blue devils”?

And if you’ve been ruminating about why opportunities haven’t been knocking on your door of late, have you ever considered that maybe you don’t have a door?

If you have no predicaments, perturbations, or problems to air and share, then by all means take a peek at the following pleasant puzzles in need of deep musing, or navel-gazing as the case may be.

• If "New" Brunswick is an Atlantic province in Canada, for Pete's sake where's “Old" Brunswick”?

• If every computer has a “motherboard”, then where the heck's the “fatherboard”?

• Okay some folks simply adore “doohickeys”, but that begs the next question; just who makes “dontdoohickeys”?

• If “blotch out” means to cancel, delete or scratch out something, then what does “blotch in” mean?

• If you “blow out” candles at your "blowout" bash, then how come all your long lost relatives decide to “blow in” to town when they're not even invited?

• If your pipes are "blocked-up" and you have to call a plumber, whom should you call if they’re “blocked-down”?

• If one can “find favor” and “lose favor” (presumably at the Lost & Found), why can one only “find fault” but never “lose” it?

• If one “leads with one’s chin”, (i.e. blunder into something or heaven help us -- be indiscreet or rash), does that mean one can “follow with one’s chin” as well?

• If one frequently “teams up with” with a tootsie or a tyrant, then whom should one “team down with”?

• If macho-males in leather perform on “drag strips”, then where do happy hags on wheels let loose?

• If one can always call a friend "in a pinch", then why is one reluctant to call a friend when something's "out a pinch", (say an expense account for starters)?

• If people go "incommunicado" to conceal their whereabouts, then must those who seek the limelight go "outcommunicado"?

• If everyone loves an “underdog”, who's cheering for the “overdog”?

• If “wetbacks” come from across the Rio Grande, then where do “drybacks” come from?

• Why are some folks obliged to “eat humble pie” to retain their club membership, but no one has ever heard of having to consume “arrogant pastries” to get in?

Not to put too fine a point on it, but if your world has been turned upside down because some head honcho decided to “right-size” to cut all those “maladroits”, be glad you don’t have a 'high-falutiniste' who wants to “left-size” and add all those “malagauches”!