Sunday, January 29, 2006


Or, time to kowtow to bow-wow!

Theolonius McTavish, a dansey-headed, deep-musing, do-it-yourself dendranthopologist, (better known as one who’s just descended from the Tree of Knowledge to learn that it’s time to pay tribute to man’s best four-legged friend in a dilettantish dog-eat-dog world!)

The Chinese New Year always makes for great fun and oodles of frolic. And 2006 is no exception with everyone and his dog paying tribute to the “Year of the Dog” …naturally.

So put on your weatherproof woof-woof outfit, and shake a leg (preferably near a fire-hydrant if you please)! Or if that’s out of the question, just try waddling, wiggling or wagging your trusty tail at man’s best friend, “Fido” or “Fifi” as the case may be.

According to Chinese astrology, here’s what’s in store for these four categories of canine creatures:

Wood Dog – Best advice: stay away from all manner of extreme-stuff, especially mutt-makeovers and skateboarding with stray scamps! And, whatever you do, beware of pesky pooches and nervous-Nellies, they’re sure to leave you with a bad case of the hives or else far too many itches in places that you can’t scratch …not in a million years!

Fire Dog – Some people will call you one very “hot dog”, and why not? Finally your creative imagination is paying off! All those delightful duct tape sculptures and paint-by-numbers portraits of dogmatic do-it-yourselfers just like you will finally grace the walls of doghouses the world over!

Earth Dog – We all know how much you love keeping your nose to the grindstone. That's a great position from which to sniff out useless opportunities going nowhere fast. The good news you're one very good "brown-noser". On the other hand, that might make your pooch paramour one very unhappy camper what otherwise might have been a "hot diggety-dog-diggity, boom what you do to me" moment in time!

Metal Dog – Heavy metal music has always been your thing, but this year you may run into some domestic disasters. A certain whippet wunderkin next door is threatening to call the city bylaw enforcement officer. The latter is determined to put you behind bars where you’ll be obliged to listen to nothing but “Jailhouse Rock” for the rest of the year. Smile, it could be worse!

Water Dog – Yes, we know how much you adore your water wings and why you love to show off your dog-paddle. But the astral climate is changing -- that means it's raining cats and dogs, it's throwing monkeys into wrenches, and it's melting the polar ice cap leaving Abominable person of snow homeless, boo hoo. Stop snapping and snarling; learn how to become a frequent flyer ...that’s why the Big-Guy-In-The-Sky gave you large floppy ears, a streamlined undercarriage, and a wee wagger to handle those tailwinds!

So, count your lucky stars this year …cause every dog will have his day!


For more information on the "Year of the Dog" visit:

Reproduction of dog above from the whimsical "Party Animal Series" by Salt Spring Island artist Julia Lucich -

In the Year Of The Dog, other critters must take special precautions with the following categories of culinary/quaffing canines: bar-hounds, booze-hounds, brew-hounds, chow-hounds, culture-hounds, juice-hounds, hash-hounds, lush-hounds, rock-hounds and sauce-hounds not to mention all manner of biscuit-eaters, brown-nosers, clever dogs, dog catchers/nappers, dog-breath/dog-collared/dog-faced/dog-fighting/Dog Star/dog-tired/dog-toothed types, doghouse-dwellers, dog-and-pony-show-offs, dogfish anglers, doggy-bag/tag collectors, dogleg golfers, droning dogmatists, dog paddlers, dogsbodies and dogs-in-the-mangers, dogtrotters, dog-walkers, dogwatchers, dogwood admirers, hot-doggers, hush-puppies, lackey-dogs, lap-dogs, legal beagles, lovers of dog days and woofers.


Post a Comment

<< Home