Monday, December 11, 2006


Or, will the real North Pole please stand up!

By Theolonius McTavish who suffers from Santa Syndrome caused by peer pressure; unmistakable symptoms include snorting at the sight of elves, using heavy-duty air freshners to remove the odor of rutting reindeer, and temporary hearing loss associated with jingling bells.

Everyone knows that Santa Claus lives at the North Pole.

It has to be true because every year kids and grown-ups send their wish lists there via email, snail mail, or courier companies with an overnight delivery guarantee.

The only hitch is that there's only one North Pole in the world, (and it's not even situated in the red, white and blue star-spangled banner country on earth).

To overcome this geographic glitch, Americans came up with guessed it ...a very long list of "North Poles".

Heaven forbid, we can't have all that precious mail destined for the glee-conscious guy in a red suit to go missing. And, we sure as heck don't want to upset the biggest Kris Kringle ka-ching season on record.

So, if you're worried about whether Santa will receive your request for a new digital doodad or a frilly bit of frippery, fear not. Rest assured, there are many places to drop off your note to that fetching fellow at the North Pole:

-- North Pole (Santa watchers claim that he stores his sleigh and snowshoes in Alaska)
-- North Pole Knob (no Virginia, they've never heard about igloos in Newton County, Arkansas)
-- North Pole Mine (where Santa sends folks who've been naughty in Gunnison County, Colorado)
-- North Pole Peak (the elves wear spurs in San Miguel County, Colorado)
-- North Pole Lake (where they don't like skating on thin ice in Blaine County, Idaho)
-- North Pole (red spandex long-johns are a huge hit in Idaho County, Idaho)
-- North Pole (a populated place full of couch potatoes in Idaho)
-- North Pole Mound (Dorothy and Toto get more votes than Santa in Elk County, Kansas)
-- North Pole Creek (where it's fun to watch the ice melt in Broadwater County, Montana)
-- North Pole Tunnel (Santa's underground access to a casino in Lincoln County, Nevada)
-- North Pole (a populated place full of red-nosed folk in Essex County, New York)
-- North Pole (a sweet saucy summit in Clinton County, New York)
-- North Pole Road Bridge (where trolls lie in wait for Santa's sleigh in Brown County, Ohio)
-- North Pole Mine (Santa's stash of fool's gold in Baker County, Oregon)
-- North Pole Creek (Sasquatch is more popular than Santa in Deschutes County, Oregon)
-- North Pole Ridge (word has it there are no elves in Sherman County, Oregon)
-- North Pole Spring (they've never heard of reindeer in Custers County, South Dakota)
-- North Pole Gulf (where the polar bear swim isn't popular in Rhea County, Tennessee)
-- North Pole Canyon (a valley of full of Ebenezer Scrooges in Dickens County, Texas)
-- North Pole Pass (a magnetic place in Utah that welcomes the second-coming of Santa Claus)

Not to put too fine a compass point on it, but the one and only, 100% money-back guaranteed true "North Pole" can be found in a place full of eager beavers, bears, breathtakingly big bugs, not to mention those abominable people of snow who prance and putz about in this cold climate country called Canada.


Wanna see more places, visit