VIVACIOUS VINO & VIXENS

Or, varium et mutabile semper femina

By Theolonius McTavish, a vitamin B complex man whose roots lie somewhere between a clan of verbose vodka-martini swigging Visigoths and a band of vino-quaffing visiting firemen.

Varium et mutabile semper femina! Woman is ever a fickle and changeable thing, so say those Latin lovers! And this is put to the test every "Valentine's Day"!!

No time waste! Break out those blessed bows and arrows! Get those Cupids and Casanovas off the couch and into a cavorting-mode! And last but not least, toss those vittles aside and invite a few Vamps or Vixens to ride on the wild side!

Speaking of alluring things, exactly what did you have in mind to present to your paramour on this "Don Juan & Delilah Day"?

If flowers and chocolates don’t cut the mustard any more, and sweet nothings have not found the right ear yet … maybe it’s time to try something different to woo your swain or sweetheart!

Here are a few frivolous items to impress those fancy-pants folks:

• How about presenting the love of your life with a titillating title of some sort like,Duke of Dare-Devils…Duchess of DoGoodies!

• Perhaps a set of saucy Ooh-La-La pillow-cases for a comfy cozy bit of canoodling!

• Maybe even a Little Devil" or "Be Mine" Rubber Duck Bath Basket (for that sassy someone who adores skinny-dipping and splashing about with oodles of suds!)

• Are you ready to swoon with a tune that will make the heart of your sweetums go pitty pat, pitty pat? C'mon lover, it's never too late to learn the lyrics to My Funny Valentine, (or if you can't croon...at least try lip-sync-ing!)

• Don't like painting-by-numbers but have an urge to play Picasso! Then why not whet your palate with a little gourmet body paint or parade out in a pair of personalized pj's!.

• If you've kissed one too many frogs of late and are still looking for Prince Charming...then you might want to acquire a brass frog garden ornament or a bodacious book about the Frog Prince!

And, for a little class in a glass, why not try these tried-and-true tipplers' delights:

• Cardinal Zin or SinZin, (from Alexander Valley, California)
• Cleavage Creek Secret Reserve, (from Cleavage Creek California naturally!)
• Kissed, (from Summerhill Pyramid Winery in B.C., Canada)
• Love My Goat, (from Bully Hill Winery in the USA)
• Marilyn Merlot, (from the USA where else!)
• Naked Grape (Chardonnay, Sauvignon Blanc, Merlot and Shiraz from B.C., Canada)
• Old Tart, Old Git & Old Fart, (from d'Oc, France, the home of passionate love & life!)
• Rude Boy Chardonnay, (would you believe this one comes from Desmond Tutu's homeland?)
• Rude Girl Shiraz, (this vixen comes from a very warm spot on the tip of Africa)
• The Full Monte, (from the voluptuous vineyards of Pulciano, Italy

Not to be forgotten of course are those love-inspired libations from the Land DownUnder:

• Bare Bottom Hills, Blown Away Wineries
• Bee's Knees, Rymill Winery
• Casanova's Storm, Robert Channon Wines
• Devil's Corner, Tamar Ridge Wines
• Devil's Elbow, Longview Vineyard
• Devil's Lair, Southcorp Wines
• Exotica, Palmara Vineyard
• First Blush, Steinborner Family Vineyards
• For Love or Money, Two Hands Wines
• Goddess, Mundrakoona Estate, Artemis Wines
• Golden Queen, Catspaw Farm
• Head Over Heels, Berton Vineyards
• Humpers, Thom's Waterhold Wines Pty. Ltd.
• Indulge, Chatsfield mt. Barker Wines
• Jack of Hearts, Paternoster Wines
• Kissing Bridge, Cheviot Bridge
• Little Boomey, Cabonne
• Lover's Hill, Avenel Park Vineyards
• Lucky Bastard, Samson Hill Estate
• Lust, Wicked Wines!
• Menage a Trois, Hugh Hamilton Wines
• Merlin Rouge, Knights Eurunderee Winery
• Mermaids, Hewitson
• Naked Grape and Naked Wine, Smithbrook
• Navel, Tintella Estate
• Nooky Delight, Woody Nook
• Over the Top, Pertaringa Wines & Geoff Hardy Wines
• Paradise Enough, Wedgetail Estate
• Phantasy, Lyre Bird Hill Winery & Guest House
• Phil's Fetish, Bellarine Estate Vineyards
• Pretty in Pink, Stevens Brook Estate
• Promised Land, Taylors Wines
• Racy Rose, Bremerton Wines
• Rascal's Prayer, Beelgara Estate
• Red Mistress, Molly Morgan Vineyard
• Red Nipper, BlueManna
• Rhapsody, Mt. Avoca Vineyard
• Romeo, T'Gallant Winemakers
• Sackville Tawny, Tizzara Winery
• Scarlet, Logan Wines
• Seduction, Dulcinea Wines
• Sparkle Arse, Hidden River Estate
• Swagman's Kiss, Clairault Wines
• Sweet Sophie's, Lucy's Run
• Tete a Tete, Australian wine Brands Pty. Ltd.
• The Isolde, Brangayne of Orange
• The Madam, High Hamilton Wines
• The Prospect, Hanging Rock Winery
• The Rogue, Nepenthe Wines
• The Scallywag, Hugh Hamilton Wines
• The Scoundrel, Hugh Hamilton Wines
• The Sticky One, Norse Wines
• The Tristan, Brangayane of Orange
• The Trickster, Hugh Hamilton Wines
• The Wolf, Two Hands Wines
• Tiger, Tathra
• Tigress, Hardy Wine Co.
• Triangle, Bidgeebong Winery - Gundagi (Wagga Wagga)
• Tryst, Nepenthe Wines
• Two Thumbs, Pepperton Estate
• Veteran, Penny's Hill
• Virtuoso, Grant Burge Wines
• Vixen, Fox Creek Wines
• Wicked Wines, Stanley Wine Co.
• Where's Molly, Maxwell Wines
• Wild Card, Peter Lehmann Wines
• Wild Soul, Wild Dog Winery
• Xanadu, Xanadu Normans Wine Group - Adelaide Hills

To top it all off, ...don't forget to serve a sweet schmoozer like French Kiss (Vanilla Schnapps Liqueur) ... it's likely your Valentine or Valentino will never be the same again!

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For those who can't get enough of the Don Juan story -- try this one one for size: http://www.clevelandopera.org/tour/educational/dongiov/donjuan.html

And for those marvellous movie buffs out there, they may want to rent a copy of this 1950 cinematography classic, "Samson & Delilah", http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/6300216012/002-7474281-7746440?v=glance

Those in need of a nifty wee novelty piece should take a peek at this Bunny Girl Legs wine stopper made by the feisty folks at "Bottom's Up"! http://www.wineenthusiast.com/E/details.asp?Ep=An/0//A/17909&uid=338495B1%2D2109%2D43EC%2DBEBE%2D87A6F7B429FC