FIRST COMING OF "THE JESUS iPHONE"

Or, miracle of miracles in the world of mirthful meditations!

By Reverend Ruth Ripplesbottom, Minister of Mirth (MOM) at the popular tongue-in-cheek Temple of Teetotalers & Tiddlywinks, (loosely affiliated with the chuckle-inclined Church of Chortle whose funnybone faith followers are led by the nose by a great big giggling guru of course). When not preaching about the value of smiling, snickering and snorting, she maintains her sanity by delving into such delightful diversions from divinity such as those offered by the Church of 80% Sincerity.

The wireless world of wonk and wit is forever grateful for the wonders of a new technology, especially today's launch of a darling device that's destined to change the way we communicate with mortals not to mention the Maker himself!

This moment in history is akin to the first coming of our Cosmic Creator, (or the "Big Bopper" as some like to call him).

Today, a miracle of miracles has happened...the launch of the little bit of heaven on earth ...Apple's brand new "iPhone"!

Here's a lovely little list of amazing things you'll be able to do with your new do-it-all device:

1. Pious procrastinators and prayer-minded people alike will be pleased to hear that this personal piece of titillating technology means you'll never again experience dropped phone calls to God, the Higher Power, or the Supreme Secular Spirit.

2. Snapping photos of devils in disguise using your iPhone camera will be as easy, provided you can say "1-2-3 cheese please".

3. E-mailing anyone in the cosmos will be a breeze, but the real question is can you type with your pinky finger without swearing a blue streak?

4. Web browsing will soon become a cinch, (especially for those conducting a quick online search for little loop holes in the Bible).

5. No need to sing psalms off key any longer, just tune in to your favorite music (such as hot hymns to soothe the soul or maybe some merry melodies during your morning meditations).

6. And last but not least, for the marginally mirth-minded, this great little gadget also offers a terrific way to download various vanity-videos like Monty Python's "Life of Brian" or TV re-runs of the BBC's hugely popular show among puckish parishioners and pew-pranksters, "The Vicar of Dibley".

Just think of it ...everything you could possible want or need at the touch of a single button.

Life will never be the same, nor will learning liturgy on a hand-held device. And thankfully, saving souls will become a whole heck of a lot easier with "The Jesus iPhone"!

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For more information on the wacky yet wonderful worship circles mentioned above, please drop by the Church of Chortle, the Temple of Teetotalers and Tiddlywinks, and the Church of 80% Sincerity.