Sunday, February 06, 2005


Or, how to find a romantic rendez-vous to reconnoiter?

By Theolonius McTavish, currently a ripsnorting roving reporter (with an abiding interest in arcane topics like curious, odd, or downright postively playful placenames), and part-time errant carpet knight, (a left-over piece of Karma from a previous lifetime)

Valentine’s Day is rolling around again. What would February 14th be without all those wretched little flaming red, cinnamon-flavored, candy hearts and calorie-laden, chocolate-filled, candy kisses?

Well, if you’re not into any of these sumptuous forms of “sweet nothings”, maybe a Valentine vacation might do the trick. If so, you’ve got plenty of "hot" spots to choose from in North America.

For the benefit of mapless folk, North America includes the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA and that cold comfort country, (on the other side of the 49th parallel, just a tad due south of Santa's hangout at the North Pole lies an off-the-beaten track place) called, "Canada".

For the digitally-inclined, a quick peek at any road atlas or an on-line GPS geo-locator service (see below) will certainly whet your appetite ... for a romp in the hay with a sizzling “Voluptuous Vixen” or a secret rendez-vous with “Rudolph Valentino” far, far away from the madding crowds.

And, fear not. If you don't have a hunk at your side or a piece of arm candy, you can always hang a sign on your door, put one on the lawn, or perhaps on your car window that reads:

WANTED: SHINING KNIGHTS (financially secure, limber & passionate, with a heart of gold and no defecating horse). CALL 1-800-DAMSELS2GO.

WANTED: DAMSELS & DIVAS (no cellulite, straight white teeth, & emotional baggage that fits into a tiny purse or handbag -- no packsacks, backpacks or carry-on-luggage please). CALL 1-800-KNIGHTS2GO

Let’s see, my list of romantic reconnoitering retreats includes some real humdingers and doozies. They may look a tad over-the-top, but I’ll have you know these little gems actually exist.

So Don Juan, Casanova and Romeo not to mention the damsels-in-distress like Juliet and all the other dangling divas ...what are you'all waiting for? Just grab your gear and head out on the road of life to some pretty exotic locals to set your hearts all a flutter!

On second thought, perhaps you'd like to revise your last-minute libidinous travel plans including those decadent indulgences and that red heart-shaped ballon-filled event you have in mind. Especially, after you've had a peek at these pleasure palaces.

Hmmmm....let's see there's....

Bella Bella (British Columbia – Canada)
Bigger (Saskatchewan – Canada)
Bird-In-Hand (Pennsylvania)
Bliss Landing (British Columbia – Canada)
Blue Ball (Pennsylvania)
Bummerville (California)
Camelot (Texas); Camelot Beach (Ontario – Canada)
Climax (Colorado, Minnesota, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania and Saskatchewan - Canada)
Clo-oose (British Columbia – Canada)
Cockeysville (Maryland)
Comfort (Texas)
Conception (Missouri)
Conception Bay (Newfoundland & Labrador)
Cupids (Newfoundland & Laborador)
Dildo (Newfoundland & Labrador – Canada)
Dixville (Quebec – Canada)
Dropmore (Manitoba – Canada)
Eden (Texas)
Fannie (Arkansas)
Fanny Bay (British Columbia – Canada)
Fertile (Saskatchewan – Canada)
French Lick (Indiana)
Garden of Eden (Nova Scotia – Canada)
Glasscock (Texas)
Goochland (Virginia)
Groom (Texas)
Halfway (Texas)
Happy, Happy Union (Texas)
Heart’s Content, Heart’s Delight, Heart’s Desire (all in Newfoundland & Labrador – Canada)
Hitchland (Texas)
Holdfast (Saskatchewan – Canada)
Hoo Hoo (West Virginia)
Hoop & Holler (Texas)
Intercourse (Alabama, Pennsylvania)
Kinkora (Prince Edward Island – Canada)
Kissimmee (Florida)
Little Paradise (Newfoundland & Labrador – Canada)
Little Heart’s Ease (Newfoundland & Labrador – Canada)
Little Seldom (Newfoundland & Labrador – Canada)
Lolita (Texas)
Love (Saskatchewan - Canada)
Love Ladies (New Jersey)
Lovelock (Nevada, Utah)
Loving (Texas)
Matador (Texas)
Needmore (Texas)
Nippers Harbour (Newfoundland & Labrador – Canada)
Nuttsville (Virgina)
Ochiichagwebabigoining (Ontario – Canada if anybody can pronounce this one, let me know)
Ogle (Kentucky)
Paradise (Nova Scotia – Canada)
Peel (New Brunswick – Canada)
Plum Coulee (Manitoba – Canada)
Point Comfort (Texas)
Red Head Cove (Newfoundland & Labrador – Canada)
Ripples (New Brunswick – Canada)
Romeoville (Illinois)
Sackville (New Brunswick)
Sexsmith (Alberta – Canada)
Shag Harbour (Nova Scotia – Canada)
Smackover (Arkansas)
Smuts (Saskatchewan – Canada)
Snag (Yukon Territory – Canada)
Snooks Arm (Newfoundland & Labrador – Canada)
Snug Harbour (Ontario – Canada)
Spread Eagle (Wisconsin)
Sugar Tit (South Carolina)
Sweet Bay (Newfoundland & Labrador – Canada)
Sweet Lips (Tennessee)
Tickle Cove (Newfoundland & Labrador – Canada)
Tiger Lily (Alberta – Canada)
Toogood Arm (Newfoundland & Labrador – Canada)
Trophy Club (Texas)
Truth or Consequences (New Mexico)
Valentine (Nebraska, Texas)
Wink (Texas)
Wolfe City (Texas)
Yum Yum (Tennessee)

Now the real question is, how many folks really admit to living in these “hot” little communities, and how many just visit to regale their friends with titillating trivia at the next “show and tell” Valentine’s party?

May the Power of the Pucker Be With You and Your's On This Auspicious Occasion!


Now for those who actually want to verify the existence of these very merry places to visit do check out the following links:

Knight's Canadian Information Collection:

For American placenames (just enter your placename in the search function and hold your breath):

And for those looking for that memorable or unusual Valentine's gift for your special "sweetie pie", why not try a personalized novel -- after all everyone deserves to be a star in their own the spotlight don't they!!