10 THINGS TO SAY AFTER GETTING AN UNWANTED GIFT
Or, mouths were made for mumbling many mirthful murmurings
By Daphne Droitwitch, a merry-minded mystery shopper who adores picking up perplexing presents designed to drive recipients right round the bend
The season of glad tidings and good cheer is fraught with problems, like what to buy someone who has everything.
The answer to this question is to search high and low for the wackiest item on the store shelf, something that you can’t imagine your friend or family member would even dare to purchase.
Half the fun of course is seeing the look on the face of the receiver.
But if you’re perchance the “giftee”, and at a loss for words, take the following valuable advice.
Never be caught without a few ripsnorting retorts for that great holiday gift you wish you hadn’t received from Grandma Myrtle, cousin Horace, or that cute cube farm mate at work.
1. Your choice of odd apparel is a perfect fit … for my gerbil.
2. I know my mother wouldn’t be caught dead wearing this; I guess that’s why St. Peter sent it back with his best regards.
3. And here I thought all these years that you liked my birthday suit.
4. Never kick a gift horse in the mouth, but no one said I can’t pin a tail on a donkey.
5. When life gives you lemons, squeeze them for all they’re worth…and I intend to do just that!
6. I know you care enough to send the very best …but your goat will not fit in my garage, so I’m sending it back to you to cut your grass.
7. Of course I love your present, when did you say your birthday is?
8. Thanks, this will be a great addition to my bunkum book collection in my Little Loo Library.
9. Super…the next housewarming party I attend, I’ll be sure to throw this on the fire!
10. I know you like playing Father Christmas, but unless you can control your urge to yell ho-ho-ho all over the place and scare the pets, I’m gonna have to call Santa's security service to haul you away.