15 THINGS YOU CAN LEARN FROM A PENCIL

Or, “He’s definitely not the sharpest one in the box!”

Compiled by Samantha Tooting-Beck, a jest-in-time journalist with an interest in the lifestyle of lackadaisical libertines and low-carb lounge lizards with literary pretensions

1. The pen may be mightier than the sword, but a pencil works just as well in a pinch!

2. Never ask an engineer the size of his favorite tool!

3. There are only three things in Nature that go AWOL: keys, umbrellas, and pencils!

4. “To err is human”, that’s why pencils with erasers were invented.

5. Make sure your words are retractable, even if the lead in your pencil isn’t.

6. ‘Tis better to be long and thin than short and stubby’, (trust me on this one!)

7. Remember, a tree sacrificed its long life so someone’s very weird thoughts and stick man drawings could survive on paper!

8. It’s great for filling in the blanks, (unless of course one’s life is a complete blank!)

9. If you can’t be a “grande artiste”, at least be a doodlebug!

10. If it were not for this humble writing instrument, great musical scores, like “Does your chewing gum lose it’s flavor on the bedpost over night”, would never have seen the light of day nor been hummed blissfully by baby-boomers in morning showers all around the globe.

11. Avoid timid or tentative A-type personalities, especially those who say: “I’ll ‘pencil you in’ for a lunch date next week.”

12. The rejects are crushed into mush and find new life as toilet paper.

13. Some things are not destined to be squished nor to go splat, no matter how hard we try!

14. It’s more fun being a saucy scribe than a sycophantic scribbler.

15. Behind every brilliant bean counter lies a pathetic pencil pusher.