ALL ABOUT "CHORTLES"

Or, everything you wanted to know about this 8-letter word!

By Ovid Publius Hadweenzic, a professor of paltry pedantry with a passionate interest in high-energy brain candy, low-calorie chit-chat, not to mention flatulent free food for thought.

The other day as I was leafing through an oddly-named if not rather obscure journal, “Physica D”, (devoted to an astounding array of articles about cellular automata), my mind began to wander.

In what some of my colleagues prefer to call “a state of chortle-sin”, I realized that there was more to life than perusing pithy papers that rarely see the light of day.

To be truthful, my mind meandered about as if it had just escaped from the confines of a sandbox onto a great long beach as far as the eye could see. With oodles of things to capture my short attention span, and an urgent need to express myself in the form of a chortle, chuckle, fleer, giggle, guffaw, heehaw, howl, laugh, roar, smirk, snicker, snort or titter, I set about the titillating task of flexing my funnybone and flapping my gums simultaneously.

Anyway, to make a long-story short, I settled on “chortle” as it hit the right spot so to speak. After all, it's a word crafted by one of my favorite authors, Lewis Carroll. Found in his celebrated work, Through the Looking-Glass (written in 1872), the word "chortle" is a combination of two deliriously-droll, dopamine-inducing activities better known as “chuckling” and “snorting”.

Controlling my giggles enough to Google “chortle”, I found no less than 488,000 web page references to this rarely used term found in either conversation or in writing.

Since Carroll’s coining of this word more than a century ago, new meanings seem to have emerged for the gleeful yet humble verb, “to chortle”.

Among the many interesting iterations of this very versatile verb (that also appears to have morphed into a quaint common noun) are the following:

• “Goldfish Chortle” – an easy-to-use, free, bannerless blogging solution.

• "A misplaced chortle" in the form of a new book entitled, High Tide: News From a Warming World by Mark Lynas.

• "An unexpected chortle", ...a “petrosexual’s tuppence” from a University of Warwick bloke, (also known as the blog of a lonely, car-obsessed perfectionist, and general engineering uber-god).

• "Music to chortle by", especially if you like pianist-parodies by a duo (by the name of Steve Saugey and Lyova Rosanoff), who adore tinkling the ivories and who knows what else!

• "A high-density Christmas Chortle" (said to be low in sodium and high in cholesterol) according to two twits named Borgness and Mr. Aardfly who take gread pride in having written a witty ditty about a quaint little contest, Catholics and croquet mallets.

• Title of a funny poetry contest winner, “A Chortle on Aging”.

• “Chortle”, the name of an on-line comedy guide to all manner of news, reviews and listings of things funny in the U.K.

• “Chortle”, a technology mapping program for table-based FPGAs (whatever all that wonderful bafflegab and gobbledygook means).

• “Chortle”, the home of a singularly unusual person named Simon Singh, an author, journalist, TV producer, specializing in science and mathematics (and perhaps altered states of chortle-sin?)

• “Chortle”, the subject of much reflection in 2003 and 2004 by a bemused blogger named “eclectic boogaloo”.

• Reference to a "chortle" (by someone called “Static Zombie”) as a laugh-out-loud moment from an episode of the hugely popular American comedy show, “The Simsons”: Homer – “I’m going to hide you where there’s nobody around for miles: Disney’s California…”.

• “A totally unfunny chortle” is brought to light by the folks behind the rivetting if not a tad off-the-beaten track website: www.everybodyshouldbesaturday.com

• The "smirking cynic" shares his experience of a "chortle", which happens when he reads something called "Moxie" to give him a new perspective on life, although he neglects to say whether his mentor has a skewed standpoint on everything some of the time or just some things all of the time.)

• “Chortles” are a clan of two colourful giants (2.5 and 3 metres high), according to someone who inhabits a planet called “Chortle”, (note: the author hails from the outback of Oz).

• Expresso stories, aptly entitled, Snorts n’ Chortles, include interesting biological noises -- that gives new meaning to the term “creative non-fiction”!

• Apparently “Chortles” orbits a giant star named Capella (according to cosmic astronomy).

• Astonishingly enough, a rather ingenious 2001 wood sculpture named “Chortles”, by Cris Bruch, can be seen at the Elizabeth Leach Gallery (if you'd care to take a gander of course.)

So, by all means, enjoy a “chortle” on me today. If you prefer something a tad stronger, please partake of a “yuk yuk”, or better yet try a humungous “hoot n’ holler”. They're all rather fine ways to give your wishbone a well-deserved rest and stroke your spunky soul into a state of complete serenity!

VARIATION ON AN OLD VICTORIAN THEME

Or, only twelve shopping days before Christmas and what shall I get the love-of-my-life?

By Theolonius McTavish, (a quirky kilted chap, affectionately referred to as "Snookums"), who's doing his best to make the season cheery and bright by sending thoughtful gifts and cards to the lady of his life, better known as "Sweetums".

Snookums: On the first day of Christmas…I’m sending you a hairy woodpecker (Picoides villosus) in a holly tree.

Sweetums: How thoughtful of you to deliver a hairy whatsit in of all things a holly tree; (you forgot to include a care package…what does it eat?)

Snookums: On the second day of Christmas…I’m sending you two half-pint horses, (they were a steal of a deal at the auction last weekend!)

Sweetums: Love the half-pint horses I received, (thank goodness they don’t eat too much…which reminds me, what should I feed them?)

Snookums: On the third day of Christmas, I’m sending you three hartebeests (A. lichtensteini, ...all the way from Africa!)

Sweetums: I was amazed to get your safari surprise today although I’m not sure where I’m going to put them as the front lawn is getting a tad crowded what with the hairy whatsit and two half-pint horses…(by the way, exactly what do they like to they like to chomp on?)

Snookums: On the fourth day of Christmas, I’m sending you four "hawksbills" (a truly wonderful find at the flea market in Zanzibar…hope you enjoy your carnivorous sea turtles!)

Sweetums: Well, I must say, I’m a bit overwhelmed with your latest gift…(pray tell, how do I nourish these charming sea monsters? …I only hope they don’t take a fancy to the hairy whatsit, two half-pint horses, and three hartebeests!)

Snookums: On the fifth day of Christmas, I’m sending you five hard-shelled clams (better known as “Quahogs") …they reminded me of our honeymoon in Bora Bora.

Sweetums: It was sweet of you to recall a passionate night of bliss in Bora Bora, but I got sick in the tummy after consuming a bucket of those things, (and now what the heck am I supposed to serve these cold-blooded critters anyway?)

Snookums: On the sixth day of Christmas, I’m sending you six hedgehogs (aren’t they adorable!)

Sweetums: Yes, I have to admit it, a half-dozen hedgehogs make a nice addition to the menagerie on the front lawn, which by the way is attracting a lot of attention from the neighbors (…but what do these hungry hole-diggers consume besides golf balls?)

Snookums: On the seventh day of Christmas, I’m sending you seven hobgoblins (a little something to add some pizzazz to your place!)

Sweetums: I’m getting a little exasperated with your ludicrous largesse, because the hobgoblins are scaring all the dogs in the neighborhood half to death not to mention starting a stampede of the Christmas creatures camping out on my front lawn leaving it in a dreadful mess (… besides they’re eating me out of house and home!)

Snookums: On the remaining five days before Christmas, I’m sending you my heartfelt token of affection, a dozen heffalumps!)

Sweetums: Get Lost You Little Nincompoop!! I’m packing the Christmas creatures off to a petting zoo! And as for those horrible heffalumps, they’re going out ‘special delivery’ today to all those political parties as my seasonal surprise to them!!

DING DONG IT'S DECEMBER!

Or, time to answer the doorbell for a bit of good cheer!

**Compiled by Leady Beatrice Blitterlees and edited by Lord Earl Craboon

December is the 12th month of the calendar year. Time to wrap things up, because whether you’ve been naughty or nice, it's too late now. On second thought, perhaps the rotund fellow in the red suit, with the white beard and whiskers will be the best judge of that!

So, in the meantime, practice a bit of re-gifting. Besides, it’s a fine way to palm off those never used gifts like the Laughing Buddha candle from great Aunt Jessie or the gargoyle spout you got from cousin Horace in Mauritania or maybe it was Tasmania).

If that doesn’t turn your crank, try humming a few seasonal songs or just knocking back a few eggnogs. And if that doesn’t get you in the spirit, go to your favorite cheapskate store and pick up some crazy thingies to stuff those stockings. What you don’t have a stocking?

And last but not least…grab some holly, some ivy, or some mistletoe ...for a bit of Ho-Ho-Ho at your front door!!

So, without further ado…here are some ways to celebrate the 31 days of good cheer and good times before the end of this year!

December 1 – National Ear Muff Day (A fine way to honor those colorful wooly wrappers that keep the cold out and let everyone now how really weird your are!)

December 2 – National Red Crayon Day (This is the day you get to write whatever you want with a “red” crayon, and no one can send you to the naughty stool, so there!)

December 3 - Hot Chocolate/Hot Toddy Day (Time to honor those marvelous moo-moos or titillating tipples that make life worth living when everything's going to heck in a hand-basket!)

December 4 – Cook Someone’s Goose Day (A great way to celebrate plucking feathers…so who’s the lucky little critter on your wish list?)

December 5 – One Minute Christmas Carols or Nursery Rhymes (Time to recite your favorite ditty in 60 seconds or less; not recommended for those who didn’t graduate from kindergarten).

December 6 – Pin the Antlers on the Reindeer Day (In honor of an old world creature whose only reason for being is hauling Santa’s sleigh around one day a year).

December 7 – Elf Appreciation Day (It’s time to pay tribute to all the weary wee ones working overtime at the North Pole in Santa’s workshop; they’re considering joining a union to improve their working conditions).

December 8 – Festive Decorating Day (Time to haul out all the boxes of balls, braids, and bright lights…along with those fake smiles your boss or the HR Dept. have requested).

December 9 – Sagittarius Appreciation Day (A day to honor all the happy-go-lucky, fair-minded archers of zodiac who blunder, miss their target, or fail to plan adequately).

December 10 – Let’s Talk Turkey Day (Time to kvetch about who has the best turkey-dressing recipe, and why kids go berserk when they find out you stuffed “Big Bird” in the oven!)

December 11 – Waffle & Whiffle Appreciation Day (In recognition of any colleague, friend or family member who wanders off topic or says 25 words when one will do thank you!)

December 12 – Mistletoe Appreciation Day (Time to hunt for greenery, practice puckering your lips, and find a willing bill and coo partner…now come out from under the green peppers, sprouts or the head of leaf lettuce will you!)

December 13 – Partridge in a Pear Tree Day (In honor of any strange clucking birds who are loafing about not to mention perching on your favorite fruit tree in the front yard).

December 14 – Two Turtle Doves Day (In recognition of Bird-Watchers Anonymous who’re keeping a close eye on the cooing creatures who've taken up residence on the front lawn).

December 15 – Three French Hens Day (In honor of all those fancy French-talking, billet-doux types who never use a bidet, but never hesitate to leave their mark on front lawns).

December 16 – Four Calling Birds Day (In honor of all the wretched hooting and hollering feathered friends who were never invited to camp out on the front lawn in the first place) .

December 17 – Five Golden Rings Day (It’s time to celebrate the Winter Olympics early, or perhaps it’s a great excuse to use them to wring the necks of those crazy creatures making a frightful mess on the front lawn).

December 18 – Six Geese A-Laying Day (Chickens are one thing, especially when they’re fried…but those gaggling geese won’t even do a good turn by laying a great big golden egg for Pete’s sake!)

December 19 – Seven Swans A-Swimming Day (Oh no, more blinking birds that mate for life…and this time they’ve taken over the swimming pool….when will it ever end?)

December 20 – Eight Maids A-Milking Day (As if the birds on the front lawn aren’t enough, now the cows have decided to move in, and the maids aren’t helping matters!)

December 21 – Nine Ladies Dancing Day (The milk maids are quite productive, but now there are some scantily-clad females kicking up their heels on the front lawn, disturbing the cows so they don’t give milk and now the bleeping birds are pooping everywhere!)

December 22 – Ten Lords A-Leaping Day (What’s with the royal court these days, can’t they keep their posh progeny at home instead of letting them run amok on the front lawn with the moostruck maids and merry-making mavens, not to mention the blessed birds and sacred cows!!)

December 23 – Eleven Pipers Piping Day (All hell is breaking loose as a band of bagpipers ...wearing not a stitch beneath their kilts ...have descended on the front lawn, scaring the maids and mavens half to death, and sending the birds and cows into a frenzy so neither the SPCA nor the petting zoo will take them!)

December 24 – Twelve Drummers Drumming Day (With the arrival of a sweet-grass smoking shaman with an entourage calling themselves, "The Damned Drum Corps", the front lawn has turned into a great big gong show; the police have now ordered 10 paddy wagons and a fire-truck, while the Mayor, as a last resort, has read the Riot Act banning all garden parties!)

December 25 – Merry Mirth Day (A terrific day to give yourself lots of big hugs, big presents, and tell anyone who gives you a bad time to sit on the naughty stool!)

December 26 – Wassail Appreciation Day (Time to visit friends and family to hit them up for free drinks, a free meal, and a promise to tell clean jokes all day long).

December 27 – Whistle While You Work Day (A great way to recognize the valuable contribution made by pro-active fellowship in the workplace).

December 28 – Cranberry Recognition Day (Time to say thanks to the ripsnorting red berry that’s great in cocktails, cakes, and as a spunky sauce to liven up the next week of turkey meals).

December 29 – Swoosh & Thonk Day (A great way to honor all manner of awkward or inept positions that make you look quite foolish on a ski hill or a skating rink)

December 30 – Yeti/Abominable Snowman Appreciation Day (Time to honor the invention of the shovel, spade or snowblower to get rid of the frigging flakes that have piled up so you can’t get out of your abode, get kids to school, and be off to work!)

December 31 – New Year’s Eve (Now you can host one big party ...to celebrate all the things you’ve left undone on your “to-do” list this year!)

POTTY PLACES ON VANCOUVER ISLAND

A wee peek at unusual street names in out-of-the-way places – Part 3

By Ovid Publius Hadweenzic, a professor of paltry pedantry with an eye for the unusual, a nose for notabene news, and a discerning tongue for tasting tidbits of titillating trifles.

If you want to get a feel for the personality of a place, the best thing to do is check out the signposts and street names.

On Vancouver Island, (conveniently situated off the left coast of Canada), the smaller communities have a certain shall we say "quaint charm" about them, (especially if they’re really off-the-beaten-track both literally and figuratively).

Take for example Port Alberni, (situated on the West Coast of the island with a long history as a sawmill and later paper manufacturing town). Besides having suffered a devastating disaster, (a tsunami to be exact, not to mention being deluged by "heavy precipitation" for all but one day a year -- on Christmas Eve -- when fortunately it turns to snow), its true claim to fame is “the sports fishing capital of Canada” (when the fish used to live there once upon a time long ago). With so much going for it, one wonders who dreamt up their street names like Ekooth Rd., Heaslip Rd., Huff Dr., Kitsucksis Rd., Pybus St., and Whittlestone Ave.

Then there’s Comox (on the east coast and “up island” as they say). It’s got a Canadian Forces airbase, some great skiing in winter and oodles of hiking and camping spots. With so much to do, it’s not hard to see why they have such an eclectic bunch of street names from Dingwall Rd., Docliddle Rd., Drabble Rd., Foxxwood Dr. Gingwell Rd., Gutwald Rd., Houlgrave Rd., Niminim Pl, Nimpkish St. Ninebark Wy. Pandrama Cr., Pidcock Ave., Puntledge Rd., Rod and Gun Rd., Rodello St., Schlederup Pl., Soapberry Blvd., Tsimshian Ave., Tobacca Rd. Toslum Rd., Turnstall Rd., Tweed Rd., Ubique Way, Whatcom Rd., Zeballos Dr., to Zerkee Pl.

Another “up island” town is Campbell River, home to a community college, a swanky hotel/resort, mining and forestry operations, and the odd diving adventure or two. So it’s not surprising that such a hodge-podge of activities would give rise to street names such as Bushbuck Dr., Mo Rd., Nilhut Dr., Old Spit Rd., Sandtrap Pl., Sassaby Pl., Serengenti Ave., Spit Rd., Twillingate Rd., and WeiWakum Rd.

“Freedom Fifty-fivers” will find themselves quite cozy in rather posh places like Parksville and Qualicum Beach.

With the rat race far behind them, residents with short attention spans from Parksville get a real kick out of living on Bagshaw St., Blower Rd., Brunt Rd., Butler Way, Digby Ave., Ermineskin Ave., Forgotten Dr., Hickey Ave., Kasba Dir., Kazan Ave., Mistaken Pl., Modge’s Rd., Nicklin Rd., Popham Rd., Ruffels Rd., and Woodpecker Pl.

Qualicum Beach, besides being situated on shores of the Strait of Georgia, is home to the “well-to-do” folks who like to build sandcastles, mow well-manicured lawns and yell “fore” a good deal of the time. Not surprisingly the street names reflect the life of the lollygaggers: Beach Tr., Blind Bogey Dr., Broom Rd., Bunker Pl., Butterball Dr., Cleek Cl., Country Club Dr., Dalmatian Dr., Dewberry Way, Dogleg Cl., Dollymount Rd., Fairway Dr., Flamingo Way, Hollywood Rd., Illiqua Rd., Kibble Rd., Namqua Rd., Nassau Cr., Niblick Cl., Pelorus Pl., Royal Dornoch Dr., Sand Wedge Cl., Spoon Cl., Tournament Tour., Troon Cl., and believe it or not, Yambury Rd.

Down the highway near the south end of Vancouver Island lies the "Cowichan Valley", home to loggers, pulp and paper workers, starving artists, Aboriginal museum visitors, theatre goers, mural watchers and a smattering of wine growers.

"North Cowichan" residents feel all warm and fuzzy with such street names as Bare Point Rd., Dingo Rd., Drinkwater Rd., Drumcullen Rd., Dyke Rd., Godkin Rd., Harmony Pl., Humbird St., Jackman Rd., Lower Chippewa Rd., Moose Rd., Oyster Way Rd., Peerless Rd., Quamichan Park Pl., Redcap St., Rumble Rd., Thicke Rd., and Winget Pl.

Duncan, “City of totems”, is a sub-regional shopping hub in the Valley with most of the prime properties in town belonging to the Cowichan Tribes. So it’s quite a cultural mix as reflected in the street signs from Bundock Ave., Inverarity Rd., Kakalatza Rd., Kinch Ave., Koksilah Rd., Kowutzen St., Polkey Rd., Somenos Rd., Stotlou Rd., Tzouhalem Rd., to Wharncliff Rd.

So, if you’re looking to “chill out”, “get away from it all”, or “get lost in the forest”, do drop by and say hello to the folks living in these out-of-the-way spots. And, if you want to be welcomed with open arms, drink a pint of their local brew (hot or cold), and whatever you do …don’t wear a suit and tie or tell them you’re from Ontario!

A POTTY PIRATE PLACE -- YO-HO-HO NANAIMO!

A wee peek at unusual street names in out-of-the-way places – Part 2

By Ovid Publius Hadweenzic, a professor of paltry pedantry with an eye for the unusual, a nose for notabene news, and a discerning tongue for tasting tidbits of titillating trifles.


It has been said that if you want to know the personality of a place, just take a peek at the names on the signposts.

Nanaimo, (not to be confused with the name of a delicious dessert better known as a “Nanaimo Bar”), is an up-and-coming, happening spot, (situated smack dab in the middle of Vancouver Island).

If you like eccentric gathering places, (especially those with a past in the mining, forestry, and fishing industry that can also claim the honor of being the birthplace of jazz diva Diana Krall and the official "Bathtub Racing Capital of the World"), this sassy spot may hit the top of your list.

Not your typical blue-collar bistro and grog-guzzling kind of outpost, the Greater Nanaimo region is home to some rather quirky street names: Aquarius Pl., Barnacle Rd., Bergen-Op-Zoom Dr., Big Bear Ridge Rd., Blue Girl Way, Bob-O-Link Way, Butternut Dr., Buttertubs Dr., Charmer Way, Crocus Corner, Dicker Rd., Dingle Bingle Hill Ter., Eyelash Rd., Galloway Gulch., Giggleswick Pl., French Connection Rd., Harpooner Pl., Hooker Rd., Jib, Jingle Pot Rd., Joy Way, Kasba Cir., Kite Way, Lazy Susan Dr., Lintlaw Rd., McFeely Dr., Muzwell Hill, Nanoose Station Rd., NicTash Rd., Nimpkish Lake Way, Nuttal Dr., Pintail Dr., Porcupine Hill Ter., Rocking Horse Pl., Sea Blush Dr., Shangri-La Rd., Shooting Star Pl., Sleepy Hollow, Sneer Rd., Sointula Pl., Stampede Tr., Stirrup Pl., Sugarfoot Pl., Tom’s Turnabout, Twiggly Wiggly Rd., Wassel Way, Widgeon Pl., Yellowbrick Rd., and Zorkin Rd.

One has the feeling that Robin Hood & Friends, dragonslayers, plus the Knights of the Round Table must have inspired the early settlers to this quaint city by the sea. There are more than a few reminders of these trustworthy types and their titillating tales including: Cavalier Pl., Cross Bow Dr., Excalibur St., Friar Tuck Way, King Arthur Dr., King John Way, King Richard Dr., Little John Way, Merry Men Way, Sherwood Dr., Sheriff Way, Sir Lancelot Pl., and St. George St.

Not to be outdone by the jolly good men of olde, there are a few feisty fellows in the bunch, along with their tantalizing tools who’ve been immortalized on the signposts of Nanaimo including: Battersea Rd., Black Jack Dr., Black Powder Tr., Blowhorn Rd., Butcher Rd., Captain Kidds Ter., Captain Morgans Blvd., Cutlass Lookout, Hispanola Pl., Minetown Rd., Neptune Rd., Pelorus Pl, Pirates Causeway, Phantom Rd., Rumming Rd., Smugglers Hill Rd., Spyglass Lookout, Telescope Ter., and Yeo St.

As for the odds and sods that don’t really fit in any one particular category, there’s: Bob-O-Link Way, Bullrush Pl., Dewdrop Pl., Divot Rd., Embarcadero Pl., Elroy Pl., Fiddick Cr., Friday Rd., Hartwig Cr., Holden Corso Rd., Holyrood Dr., Huckleberry Way, Icarus Dr., Lady Rose., Lynn-La-Ran Rd., Occidental Pl., Old Slope Pl., Petroglyph Cr., Princess Royal Ave., Scretariat Way, Skogstad Way, Stamp Way, Sunkist Cl., Torberg Rd., Water Lily Ln., Wild Otter Pl., Wakesiah Ave., Warbler Pl., and Yellowpoint Rd.

So, next time you’re visiting Nanaimo, keep your eyes peeled for "things that go bump in the night". And whatever you do, don’t get lost on Jingle Pot Road. You never know when a strange apparition may leap out of the bushes and greet you with a ho-ho-ho, (when it’s not even Christmas!)

__________

For those who're really into Goth get-ups, pirate booty, and jolly-rogers don't forget to check out this mighty fine pirate playthings site: http://www.piratemod.com

If you really need to validate those saucy street names, why not visit "Google Maps" http://maps.google.com and then type in "Nanaimo".

VICTORIA - A PRIM AND PROPER PLACE?

A wee peek at unusual street names in out-of-the-way places - Part 1

By Ovid Publius Hadweenzic, Ph.D., a professor of paltry pedantry with an eye for the unusual, a nose for notabene news, and a discerning tongue for tasting tidbits of titillating trifles.

Victoria, (located on the southern tip of Vancouver Island), is the capital city of Canada’s westernmost province, British Columbia.

If puttering about in old colonial outposts is your thing, then this is a rather splendid place to try out being King or Queen for a day. Riding in a horse-drawn carriage when all the little lights are turned on at the grand Empress Hotel and the Legislative Buildings downtown also helps.

But, if you’re looking for something slightly more stimulating on your cerebellum, grab a map of the Greater Victoria Area and enjoy a saucy scavenger hunt for unusual street names. It has been said that labels on roadways often reveal the multiple personalities of a place, (which is handy to know when deciding whether to wave or not as they roll out the red carpet).

As you might expect, Victoria is a tourist trap, replete with a big bug zoo, a wax museum, a maritime museum, a royal museum of BC history, and an ode to aviation not to mention far too many gnomes and blooming gardens.

If truth be told, it’s not hard to find street names that fit the regal air of the town. The all too familiar Duchess Ave., Empress Ave., and Imperial Dr., along with some noble names of princes, kings, and queens, and a few byways that pay homage to such noteworthy fellows as Chaucer, Lord Nelson, Shakespeare, Tennyson …and one poor chap named “Bob”.

There are however some rather marvellous monikers adorning the street signs of this quaint queendom including: Acemink Rd., Betula Pl., Bitterroot Pl., Blenkinsop Rd., Bunker Rd., Cecil Blogg Dr., Clawthorpe Ave., Clutesi St., Clatworthy Ave., Cockle Ln., Damelart Way, Dundrum Rd., Dunsterville Ave., Faithful St., Garbally Rd., Glamorgan Rd., Glenidle Rd., Gorge Rd., Hamiota St., Heilwet Ln., Herbate Rd., Humpback Rd., Inskip Rd., Isbister St., Jackladder Ln., Kangaroo Rd., Kislingbury Ln., Kitwanga Pl., Kremlin St., McAdoo Pl., Maud St., Matterhorn Dr., Nitnat Rd., Oldcorn Pl., Oliphant Ave., Pattmatt Pl., Pendergast St., Pentrelew Pl, Petworth Dr., Pimlott Pl., Puckle Rd., Roberlack Rd., Saddleback Rd., Sitkum Rd., Spilsbury Pl., Stapler Rd., Teanook Lake Rd., Telegraph Bay Rd., Theh Le Lum Lane, Timberdoodle Rd.,** Turgoose Pl., Whiffin Spit Rd.,** and Wooton Rd.

Some thoroughfare titles tend to thwack one on the head. Often they leave an indelible impression about what might have transpired there after the sun went down such as: Deal St., Deception Pl., Fan Tan Alley, Fell St., Flatman Ave., Flesh Rd., Foul Bay Rd., Gore St., Hackamore Dr., Kispiox Pl., Kittiwake Pl., Knockan Dr., Long Gun Pl., Maxine Ln., Moody Cr., Pelter Pl., Possession Point Rd., Pistol Range Rd., Purdy’s Burn Pl., Reno St., Repulse St., Ripon Rd., Serpentine Rd., Sharples Rd., Shiner Pl., Shotbolt Rd., Skinner St., Slugget Ave., Smuggler’s Cove Rd., Strange St., Tattersall Dr., Taurus Dr., Trounce Alley, Welch Rd., Zapata Pl., and Zealous Cr.

For those who adore larger-than-life, quirky characters or surreal spots, there are so many hilarious handles to choose from such as: Amwell Dr., Brigadoon Pl., Chatwell Dr., Christmas Ave., Dingly Dell, Ethos Pl., Falstaff Pl., Guinevere Pl., Happy Valley Rd., Harlequin Pl., Hipwood Ln., Houlihan Pl., Idlemore Rd., Jolly Pl., Kipling St., Knute St., Lancelot Pl., Nimmo Rd., Nob Hill Rd., Pandora Ave., La Bonne Rd., Lotus St., Penzance Rd., Quixote Pl., Quiver Pl., Pim Head Rd., Putter Pl., Resthaven Dr., Serenity Pl., Shady Lane Pl., Spooner Way, Stag Rd., Speed Ave., Sweet Chestnut Rd., Tiara Cl., Tillicum Rd., Tiswilde Rd., Watkiss Way, Win Way, Wiseton St., Wishart Rd., Witty Beach Rd., and Yeti Ter.

So the next time you're out and about town, take a wee peek at the signposts...great clues to the mixed-up personality of places that people call "home sweet home". You may even be surprised to learn that Victoria is a melting pot of friendly witches, a few sagacity-conscious folks who're into all aspects of kink, fetish and alternative lifestyles, and fancy footwork types who do a sultry schottis, a torrid tango, and a very wild waltz when no one's looking!

__________

**Note: After a deluge of emails from irate residents of serene spot named "Sooke", (which incidentally technically lies on the outskirts of B.C.'s capital city ...well way way down a peninsula to be exact), I must confess that "Whiffen Spit Rd." and "Timberdoodle Rd." are only tangentially part of this ripsnorting repository of road and street names covering the Greater Victoria area.