Monday, May 30, 2005


-- Eccentric events and odd occasions to celebrate in June 2005 –

**Compiled by Lady Beatrice Blitterlees (referred to as the Duchess of Dither) and edited by Lord Earl Craboon (otherwise known as the Duke of Doorknobs)

If June is “bust’n out all over”, you’re probably a green-thumb type, a frisky cowpoke, or perhaps just a “Hot Foot powder” aficionado.

On the other hand, maybe you’re one of those testy technical types who are rather relieved to know that we’re half way through the Gregorian calendar.

Besides celebrating “Clean Air” day (time to let those soiled socks in one’s bottom drawer see the light of day), it’s also time to honor fathers everywhere by giving them a token of your appreciation …a flipping flyswatter!

So without further adieu, before bidding a fond farewell, and after a few giggling good-byes…perhaps take a glance at what's in store for the jolly month of June.

June 1 – CLEAN AIR APPRECIATION DAY (Time to honor those with a compelling need to air their dirty linen in public or engage in a natural urge to break wind in elevators).

June 2 – NO IMPROVEMENT NECESSARY DAY (For all those “I’m all right Jack/Jill” people you know who are fine and dandy just the way they are thank you!)

June 3 – PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD DAY (Vanquishing one’s veggies, eating giggling Jell-O with a fork and mashed mayhem never looked like so much fun!)

June 4 – GEMINI APPRECIATION DAY (Time to honor all those heavenly twins you know who are also restless, impractical, gossipy, nervous and a tad capricious or fickle).

June 5 – SUCCESS OBJECT RECOGNITION DAY (Time to flaunt whatever makes you feel like a King or Queen including your newly renovated throne room if you wish).

June 6 – NATIONAL KICK-THE-CAN DAY (When the going gets tough, it’s nice to know one can harrumph, utter a hearty grunt, or kick the daylights out of a trash can).

June 7 – INTERNATIONAL BELLY-DANCING DAY (It’s never too late to flaunt your flab, wag your tail and do the hoochy-koochy ‘cause that’s what life’s all about!)

June 8 – SANDBOX APPRECIATION DAY (Time to whip out the shovels, pails, beach balls and water balloons; play fair …no pulling hair and no tattle-tales please!)

June 9 – JUG BAND DAY (For all those folks who can’t hold a tune but can play a kazoo, a pennywhistle, and drum on pots…now who says that aint’ music!)

June 10 – NATIONAL TOOTH FAIRY APPRECIATION DAY (In honor of the Goddess-of-Grin-&-Bear-It and those who yank chompers all day long for a living).

June 11 – FINGERNAIL FASHION DAY (Time to decorate those delightful digits with clashing colors, stylish sparkle, or perhaps even super-size them for a change!)

June 12 – NOT-YOUR-AVERAGE-ART DAY (A fine way to honor the messy munchkin inside you with plenty of papier-mâché, finger-paints, or oodles of play-doh!)

June 13 – TEFLON SUIT APPRECIATION DAY (In honor of those who manage to survive by letting all manner of things slide off their backs and onto someone else’s!)

June 14 – NAUGHTY T-SHIRT DAY (A way to pacify the politically-incorrect people in your life who have a bad habit of buying novelty t-shirts with raunchy, ribald retorts).

June 15 – LOOPY LIBRARY DAY (Time to look for a book with a really weird title to amaze your friends, family, or colleagues at work just to see the look on their faces!)

June 16 – HOITY-TOITY, HIGHFALUTIN & HIGH-MUCK-A-MUCK APPRECIATION DAY (Time to honor all the la-di-da ladies you know not to mention the other pompous, pretentious and puffed up people, flighty and frivolous folks or snobby and snooty sorts by throwing them all a stylish swine & dirty-foot cheese party of course!)

June 17 – NATIONAL SWING & TEETER-TOTTER APPRECIATION DAY (Time to test every playground swing and teeter-totter in town just for the heck of it!)

June 18 – NATIONAL PET-PEEVE DAY (Name those top five blessed things that people do that nearly drive you to drink, …up a wall…or maybe right round the bend).

June 19 – SIR WALTER RALEIGH APPRECIATION DAY (A time to honor all patriarchs who engage in shameless acts of chivalry and wanton acts of gallantry like giving up their seat or opening doors for a woman, bestowing flowers upon the fair sex and laying down of one’s coat in a pretty big puddle to impress those feisty feminists).

June 20 – HASTY PUDDING DAY (There are only got three things in the cupboard and you have to make a tasty treat in five minutes…what’s the recipe and the ingredients?)

June 21 – INTERNATIONAL HARUM-SCARUM DAY (A day of utterly reckless abandon, with no busybodies, monitors, or supervisors in sight…what are you doing?)

June 22 – LONG JOHNS APPRECIATION DAY – (What a terrific way to celebrate the longest day of the year not to mention tidy up your bottom drawer at the same time).

June 23 – HAND-ME-DOWN DAY (Pass along a previously-enjoyed, ready-made, cheap or shoddy thing to someone who truly deserves it…what is it and who gets it?)

June 24 – HARE & HOUNDS DAY (A wonderful excuse to scatter scraps of waste paper in the woods and then invite some flummoxed friends along to follow the trail).

June 25 – HANKY-PANKY APPRECIATION DAY (A way to honor the hocus-pocus inclined who aren’t into hand-holding, handsprings, or arm-wrestling any time soon).

June 26 – NATIONAL GLOATING DAY (Time to glance admiringly at the apple of one’s eye or delight in someone else’s misfortune as long as the person doesn’t see you).

June 27 – STANDING ON ONE’S HEAD DAY (To gain a new perspective on life; not recommended for precocious pin-heads or members of the Flat Earth Society).

June 28 – GLOBAL GLAD-HANDING & GAD-FLY APPRECIATION DAY (In recognition of people who love people and their annoying little habit of inserting smiley-faces in the signature line of every email or hand-written note they send you!)

June 29 – GREAT GIZMO & GADGET DAY (Time to let everyone know your top three “must-haves” on your exceedingly long Christmas Wish List this year!)

June 30 – HARD-AND-FAST-RULE BREAKING DAY (The Fickle Finger of Fate has allowed you one day to bend or break an immutable rule …which one is it?)


For more about the origin of "hoity-toity", please see

Monday, May 16, 2005


Or, titillating tomes for tongue-tied twerps, twits and tightwads

By Theolonius McTavish, a part-time procrastinating rumpus room renovator, an avid odd book collector, and a meandering monologist on my favorite subject …me

The world has become a pretty scary place of late. So rather than fret, empty-nesting boomers are seeking solace by spending their moolah on mansion makeovers, especially trogloditic tinkle-pantries, bygone basements and ramshackled rumpus rooms.

Not being handy with power-tools, hammers or paint brushes – I prefer putting my tacky, tightwad talents to good use by decorating the well-worn walls of my dowdy den with an odd collection of bootlegged books.

So, in the interests of brevity, I shall provide my fellow bookworms with a comprehensive list of my favorite flatulent folios (many of which were written in the last century if not before).

Airmail from Oblivion (1975, by B. Pleasants, a tad yellow from the killer weed, known as tobacco).

Asmodeus or the Devil on Two Sticks, (vintage 1925 by A.R. LeSage).

Babies in Birdland, A Fairy Tale, (by Laura Bancroft, a heavily soiled, moderately rubbed book published in 1911).

Bill Nye and Boomerang; Or, the Tale of a Meek-Eyed Mule, and Some Other Literary Games, (a frayed first edition published in 1881).

Billy Blue Gum or Back to the Bush, (not-your-average dog-earred 1947 Aussie publication about boomerangs, kangaroos or crocodile wrestlers).

Cleopatra’s Nose – Essays on the Unexpected, (a colorful 1998 story by Daniel J. Boorstin).

Confessions of Zeno, (by Italo Svevo, a 1930 slightly soiled 412-page book).

Das Cowboybuch, (a little known 1941 German translation of the Will James classic, “A Lonesome Cowboy?”).

Dictionary of Misunderstood, Misused And Mispronounced Words (published in 1985, an "enchiridion of arcane and recondite sesquipedalian items that will apeal to the oniomania of an eximious Gemeinschaft" in all of us...hmmm....did you get all that?)

Dot and Dash The Lucky Jingle Piggie, Toyland’s Patriotic Rally, (1942, compliments of Sears Roebuck and Co.)

Ducky Doodle, (a slightly gouged 10-page pithy publication with pictures).

Elegant Extracts: Or, Useful and Entertaining Passages in Prose, Selected for the Improvement of Young Persons: Being Similar in Design to Extracts in Poetry, (1797, a tad spotty and spineless).

Every Girl Needs a Parlor, (by Anita Loos, a great read especially if you’re looking for the Beverly Munchin Hotel in the Hereafter).

Extracts from Pudd’nhead Wilson’s Calendar, (a 1937 faded, limited edition Christmas keepsake by someone called Mark Twain).

Fantapoufs and Thinifers, (a bumped, flecked, and smudged 1940 edition by Andre Maurois).

Flashman and the Angel of the Lord, (a 1995 man-of-the-cloth-bound-book by George M. Fraser).

Foxy Grandpa’s Mother Goose, (1903 beat-up book about a fetching feathered friend).

Fungi from Yuggoth, (a 1982 best-seller by H.P. Lovecraft from Necronomican Press).

Fuzzy Wuzzy. Sheet Music, (1924, Rudyard Kipling’s whimsical words set to music).

Galactic Derelict
, (a 1959 moderately worn far-out tale by Andre Norton).

Hopalong Cassidy’s Protégé, (a 1926 cowboy book with no pictures by Clarence E. Mulford).

How to Mak’em Book. The New Erector, (a 1936 slightly soiled, illustrated oblong literary work).

Hvem Ringer Klokkern For?, (a 1943 Danish delight, if you’re into trolls, noisy clocks or Ernest Hemingway’s “For Whom the Bell Tolls”).

I, Candidate for Governot: And How I Got Licked
, (a 1935 merry mongraph by Upton Sinclair).

Kabumpo in Oz, (a 1922 quirky but colorful story by Ruth Plumly Thompson [Baum]).

Let’s Pretend, Some Adventures of the Golden Age of Nursery Land, (a 1914 bodacious book for babes by William McHarg and illustrated by Bonnibel Butler).

Loading Mercury With a Pitchfork, (1976, a puzzling piece of puff by Richard Brautigan).

Love Among the Cannibals, (a slightly chewed 195os book by Morris Wright).

Matthew Merrythought’s Mirthful Mode of Managing Measures: With a Waggish Way of Writing Weights, (a tiny, terse tome written in 1983 for the pleasure of their friends at Christmas by Fred, Mary, Rick and Pete Ruffner – whoever they may be).

McGuffey’s New Fifth Eclectic Reader, (a slightly spotted and tattered 1886 tome for the tinkle pantry).

Memoirs of Monsieur d’Artagnan, Captain-Lieutenant of the 1st Company of the King’s Musketeers, 3 volumes, (a classic by Courtilz de Sandraz about a sword-weilding super-hero).

Miss Minerva’s Scallywags, (a 1927, 300-page book minus several chunks by Emma Speed Sampson).

Monkey on a Stick, (a 1940 classic for those who hate zoos and barbecues).

Mother Goose for Grown Folks, (an 1898 book by Mrs. A.D.T. Whitney for parents who don’t own a “care bare” or regretfully were not raised by Mrs. Hubbard in a shoe).

Mother Witch - Quagga, (a 1963 limited edition 41-page book about wicked witches by Emrich Urban).

Nonsense for Old and Young, (a 1901bonker of a book to break the monotony of boring life by Eugene Field and illustrated by John C. Frohn).

Peck’s Boss Book, (a cutting-edge, “how-to” handle horrible people in 1884, courtesy of an American by the name of George W. Peck).

Phisicke Against Fortune, As Well Prosperous as Adverse: 46 Dialogues, (a 1995 Foolscap Press publishing adventure written by the inimitable Francesca Petrarca).

Pish, Posh Said Hieronymus Bosch, (a 1991 Nancy Willard boffo book).

Podgy Puppy and Naughty Needy, (a 1927 book by Clara G. Dennis with simple words, a defective spine, and heavily creased covers from sitting on them too frequently).

Punch’s Pocket Book for 1874 Containing a Calendar, Cash Account, Diary and Memoranda for Every Day of the Year, (…so what else did you expect for $65.00!)

“Shakespeare or Bacon”
in the Canadian Magazine (1897).

She Stoops to Conquer, Or The Mistakes of a Night, (a very odd little ditty published in 1910, and written by one Oliver Goldsmith [Hugh Thompson]).

Snipp, Snapp, Snurr and the Big Surprise, (a 1941 publication with pretty pictorial label by Major Lindman).

So You Want to Be a Wizard, (written by Diane Duane in 1983, this book provides an alternative career options for those who've been fired without just cause or laid off in the latest re-engineering and corporate right-sizing experiment) .

Spleen and Other Stories, (1928, a badly bumped limited edition book by Pierre Victor, Baron de Besnval).

Still More Lecherous Limericks, (an Isaac Asimov 1977 first edition with sticker residue left on it).

“Strictly from Mars”, (a short story in the Amazing Wonder Stories, vol. 2 no. 22).

Thaumayurgia, Or Elucidations of the Marvellous, (an 1835 Edward Churton book with very entertaining advertisements for those who need illustrations to keep them happy).

The Big Swingers - Edgar rice Burroughs 1875-1950, Tarzan 1912, (for those who love jungle mouth, short sentences, and adore beating their own breast not to mention hanging from vines for fun).

The Book of Diversion
, (a 1925 thinkless-and-do nothing book for adults).

The Country of Thirty Six Thousand Whistles, (a 1930s book by Andre Maurois for anyone who enjoys blowing their own horn but can't find an appreciative audience).

The Enchanted Typewriter. (An 1899 tale of classic communication, or how to pitch woo with a billet doux by Olivetti and Friends?)

The Fairy Godmother-In-Law, (1905, a Oliver Herford special with pretty pictures).

The Foolish Dictionary, An Exhausting Work of Reference to Uncertain English Words, Their Origin, Meaning, Legitimate and Illegitimate Use, Confused by a Few Pictures, (a 1904 giggling gem by Gideon Wurdz).

The Happy Hypocrite – A Fairy Tale for Tired Men, (a 53-page book by Max Beerbohm, published in 1906 for males with incredibly short attention spans and tightwad spending habits).

The Hasheesh Eater: Being Passages from a Life of a Pythagorean, (a 371 page, 1857 weed-wonder book by an author who wishes to remain anonymous).

The Inconstant Mistris, (a 1948 book for the lonely hearts and mollycoddlers of the world who can't spell).

The History of Little Bo-Peep, The Sheperherdess, (for those who like worn-covers and 1850s woodcuts).

The Little Chick That Would Not Go to Bed, (published in 1924, this story written by Edna Groff Dieh is best red at nap-time with milk and cookies).

The Lowest Form of Wit, (Louis Untermeyer wrote thirteen-pages of tinsel-time twaddle and had it published as a book just after World War II when they desperately needed a good laugh).

The Luck of the Bodkins, (a slightly wrinkled 1936 edition by P.G. Wodehouse).

The Man from Bar-20, (written by Clarence E. Mulford and illustrated by Frank Schoonover, this unhinged first edition is truly a must-have for any rumpus room).

The Mechanical Bride
, (a 1951 cello-taped first edition by Herbert Marshall McLuhan).

The Naked Lunch
, (a 1959 William Burroughs book with a green line around the title page).

The Peculiar Major, (Keble Howard, a 1919 classic for men with the optical density of air).

The Purple Prince of Oz, (this 1932 publication is designed for macho males who just can't relate to super-duper heroines like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz).

The Red Fairy Book, (this 1924 classic is written to give hope to color blind wee folk who have an urge to create mischief, mayhem, and general all round merry messes for everyone).

The Speed Queen
, (1997, comes with a brief inscription reading “a sexy, breathless novel?” on the inside cover of this book by Stewart O’Nan).

The Sunny-Sulky Book
, (a 1935 picture book by Sarah Cory Rippey for slow readers).

The Surprising Adventures of The Magical Monarch of Mo and His People, (a very loose, water-stained book written by Frank Baum and published in 1903).

The Tale of Miss Tiggy-Winkle (it's time to celebrate the centenary of this bedtime thriller first published in 1905).

Trouble in Bugland, (this 1985 creepy-crawly book will no doubt appeal to meat-eaters everywhere).

Under the Vierkleur - A Romance of a Lost Cause, (if you didn't catch the first printing in 1904, you're plumb out of luck).

Valiant Dust, (a 1936 cracked hinged cliff-hanger by Helen Genung and Caryl M. Hayes).

Where Robot Mice & Robot Men Run round in Robot Towns, (can't wait for the sequel to this 1977 contribution to urban life).

Whirligigs, (a 1910 book by Henry O. for those who haven’t got any sugar plums dancing in their heads, hate counting sheep, or can’t remember the words to “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall”).

Who and What, A Book of Clues for the Clever, (a 1927 soiled and stained edition …but frankly my dear, who gives a damn!)

Wopsy Again, The Further Adventures of A Guardian Angel, (a 1945 block-buster book for folks who can't relate to flying nuns, by Gerard F. Scriben with illustrations by Sister Mary Barbara)

Write It Right – A Little Blacklist of Literary Faults
, (a bent book by Ambrose Bierce in 1909 about mortals who misspell words and mangle grammar among other things).

Tuesday, May 10, 2005


Or, how to be an effective workless wunderkin

By Adrian Air-of-Sleat, an idle-brain specialist with the world-renowned, virtually vacuous research firm of Gull, Growtnoll & Moonling*

Are you hot and bothered? Is your workplace a happy spot to hang out?

If you don’t know and have to ask, “what do you mean by ‘hot and bothered’?” or “how do you define ‘happy’?” it’s definitely time for a little soothing, lean-witted, idle-brain therapy.

At the very least, you could read the following bit of bewitching bumpf. It’s a lot less onerous than studying the Holy Scriptures, worshiping the hoofs of a sacred cow, or grasping Pirsig's perplexing koans and clutchless conundrums in his monumental mastepiece, “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance”**.

If you're lost, for heaven's sake return to the beginning of this missive. Now whatever you do stay focused, (that's it, nose to the grindstone, buns glued to the bench, and eyes rivetted on the page) wretched little whippersnapper!

Listen up -- here are five helpful hints to avoid burning the candle at both ends, curtailing your harried habit of running around in tiny circles, or standing impatiently at the train station for your ship to arrive with everything but the kitchen sink and your hard-of-hearing, halitosis-challenged dear Aunt Matilda from Beer Bottle Crossing, Idaho.

If you're bored out of your gourd pondering about what's happening on your least favorite piffling planet, Tartuflux Beta, quit complaining and get on with the following flimsy excuses to the pass the time of day.
  • Create a new job title for yourself as the official “Pity Pot Coordinator” in your office. Don't miss the opportunity to network with your fellow-Eeyores and sad sacks. After all, who else deserves public recognition for dealing with those ding-alings, dingbats, and ding-dongs who dial you for answers to really dumb questions. Ask everyone to submit “the worst horror story of the week” with a draw or award for the most heart-wrenching, tear-jerking anecdote to befall an employee of your esteemed organization.

  • Encourage the establishment of a Green Thumb Technician Training Program. This is an ideal way to avoid work by learning how to water and talk compassionately to all those wilting, wimpy or wizened thingamabobs, commonly referred to as “plants”. Frankly anything that grows in your toxic environment needs all the nurturing it can get. Just watch out for pests like the “Jolly Green Giant” who could pose a threat to your slothful scheme!

  • Promote the need for “Water Cooler Wellness Seminars” in your organization. This is a fine opportunity to hold humorous healing sessions with call-of-naturists and other frequent flyers to discuss state-of-the-art “Power-Napping Techniques”, “Low-Impact Finger Fidgeting Exercises” and “The Merits of Low-Carb, Flavored Bottled Water for those Who Cannot Tolerate Liquid Lunches”.

  • Become “Keeper of the Coffee Pot & Tea Cozy”. This will provide you with a much-needed excuse to relieve yourself of the tedious “nose to the grindstone” or “buns to the bench” work ethic prevalent in your organization. Besides this job entails all manner of time-wasting duties such as knitting the tea cozies, ordering the supplies, filling and cleaning the blinking pots, dusting the cupboards and counters, and asking frazzled folks to sign your guest book with nothing but exemplary compliments and magnificent kudos for a job well done.

  • Recommend that a “Mirth Maven/Meister” be appointed to catch the wretched “Thief of Time” who’s been robbing everyone of fun not to mention frolic with clients, suppliers, and aliens who haven’t got a clue what planet they landed upon. If nothing else, this will be something relevant to add to your resume when your prospective employer at the petting zoo asks, “so what did you really like about your last job?” (By the way, don’t forget to say how you thrashed the Jolly Green Giant, why you adore doing cut-outs, finger-painting, and decorating cube farms, and how delighted you would be to feed the company robo-cat your computer mouse just for the heck of it).

For more wicked workplace tips, tune in next month for the continuing saga of how to find more enchanting ways to tinker with time, trounce trolls, and other really important stuff required to earn your badge of honor as a Certified Candlewaster, Clodplate, or Clumperton.


*If you find yourself a tad lacking in the Elizabethan Language Lexicon, pop over and let your fingers do the walking through this delightful glossary of goodies:

** For those of you who didn't catch "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" the first time around, now's your opportunity to delve into this pithy publication that will keep your marbles active for the next 12 months or perhaps entertain you more than receiving a free "Get Out of Jail Card".

Tuesday, May 03, 2005


Or, Beware of BlackBerries, Cellphones & Laptops!

By Theolonius McTavish, an analogue aardvark, amateur toe wrestler and frequent flying carpet cardholder

If state-of-the-art "wireless technology" has given birth to such tawdry taskmasters as BlackBerries, cellphones and laptops, the Universe has also seen to it that such man-made devices would come packaged with an invisible, immutable, and infernal operating system deity named, "Calamity, Chaos & Confusion".

It seems that happiness today has been reduced to acquiring newfangled gadgets, gizmos or gigagobblers that do absolutely everything but clean the kitchen sink.

Speaking of scruffy sculleries, your best bet would be to a visit your local "Tabernacle of Tetrachloride" where you can request a private audience with the "Wizard of Washbasins". Failing that, consult the "Diva of Drudgery"* (who usually has all the quick and dirty answers to the western world's most innocuous conundrums!)

Sadly, my days as a professional cherry-picker in Peach Bottom, Virginia are over ...which brings me in a round about way to my favorite comfort food ..."passion fruit". Besides consuming far too many succulent seeds and passion pits for my own good, I also enjoy the occasional shopping-spree for trendy “fruit of the loom” drawers in the "Big Apple". However, that doesn’t leave me much spare time to pursue pleasure unless you include such delightful diversions as a fruitless game of tiddlywinks or a toe-wrestling tournament in the "Old Country".

To those byte-inclined "Bluetooth" folks who can't live without their “BlackBerries”, I say get a life! For one thing these "robust" packages of tutti-fruit technology are worth a king's ransom. And for another, hanging them on your lapel makes you look like a dork, or worse yet a loon. More to the point, unless you enjoy low-impact digital workouts with your thumb and index finger, just take my humble advice, be a dweeb and forget about them!

Celluar telephones**, the smallest of these dastardly digital devices, are a melodious menace to mankind. Besides making their owners look divinely self-important in a world of wannabes and winners, they also lurk surruptitiously about in the bottom of pockets, packsacks, and purses offering melodrama at its best for bystanders. And, as my dear Mum used to say, "anything that vibrates, sings and talks back when you least expect it probably hasn't been potty-trained".

So, to avoid being zapped by alien airwaves, I recommend using "Semaphore"***. This low-tech communication method is a lot cheaper and more fun than a bag of juicy-fruit bubble-gum. After all, how many people do you know who carry around flags all day long, flap their arms, and look a tad miffed when cab-drivers interrupt their train of thought and terse text messages?

As for "laptops", they seem to languish about prominent places. Have you ever noticed how they invite unwanted attention from sticky-fingered sorts who can't wait to abscond with them when you're responding to the call of nature? Then of course there are curmudgeons like me who think it's a waste of time to invent something that helps nincompoops organize their recipes, play solitaire, or set a trap for a wireless mouse.

Being from the “old school”, I was always taught that children should be seen and not heard. Now if only that credo would apply to all these modern communication tools, the world would be an infinitely quieter place.

Just imagine a world without wireless windbags, wonky windows, or wicked weirdoes fingering the fruit …where we would all be free to follow our bliss it picking four-leaf clovers, drawing dorky droodles****, coloring outside the lines, or maybe even tickling someone pink for a change!


*To contact the "Diva of Drudgery" ... stop by "Housewife Haven"

**What you've always wanted to know about cellphone thongs you'll find out at gizmodo!

***Semaphore has a lot to do with flags, flailing arms and fascinating signals which is more infinitely more rewarding to watch than television or listening to flapping gums at boring meetings. Take a wee peek at this site for more information

****Alright already, if you really must let your flummoxed fingers do their thing might want to find out more about "droodles"