JEST-IN-TIME JANARY

Or, what to do on a breathtakingly boring day...

Compiled by Lady Beatrice Blitterlees, in polite circles known as the Duchess of Dither, and Lord Earl Craboon, referred to as the Duke of Doorknobs, (a curious couple occupying a sandcastle somewhere in the Queendom of Quaffing & Quipping).


January is a rather bleak, blessedly boring, and some might even go so far as to say a dreadfully dull month.

On the other hand, peculiar people often find delight in all manner of things odd, peculiar, or downright strange. This is why we've spent a good deal of time tracking down some rather unique things to do to lighten one's sagging spirits at this time of year.

For those with short attention spans, tendencies to day dream frequently, or desires that extend beyond watching paint dry, we recommend participating in one of this month's unusual events:

13 Januay - Join the CFB Gagetown Medieval Anachronists' Club's January Feast (with a curry theme). Bring along some festive frippery, merry muskets, and saucy smiles to this ancient occasion being held at Canadian Forces Base Gagetown in Oromocto, New Brunswick (Canada).

19-21 January - Trundle off to Ressurection Bay, Alaska for the annual Polar Bear Jumpoff and Ugly Fish Toss and while you're at it...why not freeze your posterior off at the parade, loose your concentration during the bed-making contest, gladhand your way around the goofy golf tournament or slide your way to success at the ice-bowling championship.

26-28 January - Hop across the pond to Port Lincoln, Australia and join lots of other slippery souls and try your hand at tuna tossing during Tunarama. PS Don't tell "Tony the Tuna" you're coming!

27-28 January - Get yourself in gear, along with 70 other oddballs, for the world famous Swamp Buggy Races held every year in Florida Sports Park's "Sippy Hole".

30 January - Haul out your bagpipes, whip up some haggis, and practice sitting on a thistle, because Scotland is beckoning you! More to the point, The Lerwick Up Helly Aa, Britain's bonfire festival features a torchlight parade, burning of a Viking galley, and a good deal of Scotch whisky flowing into the wee hours of the night!

And for those who like to putz about with nothing in particular to capture their fancy on their peculiar agenda, do drop by Dracula's Castle in Bucharest, Romania. (Note: The capital city in which this pugilistic palace is located was founded by one rather frightening fellow by the name of Vlad the Impaler in 1459. This charming chap later became the inspiration for Bram Stoker's blood-sucking vampire named....you guessed it!)

Cheerio, pip pip, and tah tah from your tippling tour-guides.

_________

For those who can't find enough curious, off-beat, or unusual places and things to do, why not pick up a copy of Eccentric America.

2007 - WILL WONDERS NEVER CEASE

Or, why are we celebrating that?

By Ovid Publius Hadweenzic, Professor of Piffle at the University of Utterly Useless Undertakings in Little Snoring (Norfolk) and Dean-of-Do-Nothing at the International Institute of Irregular Verbs & Dangling Modifers in Yonder Bognie

Google reports that there are a mere 239,000 web pages out of a possible 55 billion devoted to the incomplete phrase "2007 Year of".

Besides that astounding bit of bumpf to brighten one's day, perhaps another perusal of the pages will reveal something even more brilliant to boggle a breathtakingly bored mind.

For those whose brain cells are firing on all cylanders, 2007 is expected to rather remarkable, especially if you wish to join in the following year-long celebrations:

• Year of the BluOnyx - yippee or yowsers that is if you really dig "mobile content servers"



• Year of the Dolphin - of interest to playful Pisceans or those of piscatorial persuasions



• Year of the Food Police - will the flab fighters be welcome in your neighborhood?



• Year of the Goddess - gods will be riding in the backseat this year and don't you forget it!



• Year of the iSlump - you mean to say that podcasting will go poof?



• Year of the Night Sky - time to catch a falling star, put it in your pocket, and save it for a rainy day or join those wicked witches riding on broomsticks for some fun



• Year of the Outdoors - for all those who love the call of nature, frosting rocks, and bogrolls



• Year of the Red Pig - Chinese astrologers however can't guarantee pigs will fly or that piggybanks be full



• Year of Women in Engineering - Another Aussie attempt to make women rule the world



• Year of the Widget - a whoopee moment for digital doodads and domahickies



• Year of Civil Unions - where Glee & Gaiety can finally hook up "downunder"



• Year of the Surf Lifesaver - an Aussie lesson on why it's not wise to swim with sharks



• Year of the Boar/Ding Hai - the long lost animal companion of Miss Piggy



• Year of the Organized Home - a real boon for Clutter Queens & Ripsnorting Recyclers



• Year of the Thin Films - that's great if you like stories with thin plot lines



• Year of the Rumi - pondering pool and think tank enthusiasts will be overjoyed



• Year of the Shawl - a pleasing piece particularly if you're a peek-a-boo person



• Year of the Slappy - a pat on the back for all those gawky gamers no doubt



• Year of the Truck - giddy-up-and-go gas-guzzlers please...take note!

If none of these turn your crank, it might be time to trade in your old jalopy, date a gadfly, consult a guru or another 365 days for a new lease on life.